Everybody's Workin' For the Weekend

You Are 55% Normal

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

I think I'm back to semi-normal. I mean semi only because I am not sure if I am ever truly normal. Or I guess it would depend on your interpretation of normal. Anyway, you get the point.

So I am kind of going to keep this post to just random cause I'm not really in the mood to blog, but NB-C has requested an update. According to the latest count, I'm only a few posts shy of 100. I guess even I run out of things to say. Anyway, these days Kate's a bloggin' fool so there ain't no way I can keep up with her...

Here's the skinny (of which I am not) on the last 7-days:

• Well the hormones seem to be back on track. That was kind of brutal...and no I'm not exaggerating.
• Finally seem to be out of the deep blue funk as I seemed to be last week. Don't worry kids, the next 30-years will be fabulous.
• Had 2nd annual pink party on Saturday. Note to self: Mr. Penny does not like fabulously loud bright pink boa's. Synopsis: it was hot outside, there was a lot of food, there were fewer people, no real drama, and yet the police came?
• Heading to favorite city on Thursday for some quality time with my boyfriend DJW, his mom & dad, and then to see my family in VA. I cannot freaking wait.
• Included in plans for long weekend are to talk to my favorite uncle about moving to the area. Not sure but definitely thinking about it. Only problem is I haven't updated my resume in five years. And I don't know where the last one is. Back to scratch it is!
• Got to see Julia & Trevor on Saturday. Had rockin good time and will miss Trev when she moves to sunny St. Pete. :(
• My door is deadbolted.
• WARNING: Possible Netflix addiction coming! Watched Crash & Shopgirl yesterday. NB-C, I gotta say, I liked Crash. Shopgirl is a new "Nat" movie. I also watched The Way We Were last weekend. "Your girl is lovely Hubbell"...Ya, that's a whole 'nother blog.

Here is the Nat quote of Shopgirl:

Ray: Just so you know. I'm sorry for the way I treated you.

Mirabelle: I know.

Ray: I did love you.

Mirabelle: All right.

As Ray Porter watched his Mirabelle walk away....he feels a loss. How is it possible, he thinks to miss a woman whom he kept at a distance so that when she was gone he would not miss her. Only then did he realize how wanting part of her and not all of her had hurt them both and how he cannot justify his actions except that...well...it was life.

I think that's all I got. All I know is that I can't wait for a nice long weekend away from here to the place I love almost best of all. I have a few extra bucks in my pocket and maybe a little extra spring in my step and MyOhMy I can't wait to see that little man of mine.

Pay For What You Get

On Saturday, I received a phone call from my friend Slimy's mom that almost sent me into a tailspin thinking that my dear Slimy had gone into early labor. All it took was seeing the 513 area code and a questioning "Nat?" on the other line to be prematurely convinced that either 1) something was wrong or 2) Slimy had had the baby. Of course, neither of my conclusions were on target. Instead, my "other mother" called to ask me to come up to the 'Nati for a surprise 30th birthday party for Slimy which was held last night. I happily said "yes!"

The evening at Nicola's - a great Italian restaurant unfortunately located in the not so great Over the Rhine area of Cincinnati - was superbly crafted by Slimy's mother and the surprise of myself and Slimy's best friend from med school went off without a hitch. Also in attendance were many of her friends who are also doctors.

This is when my inferiority complex took a dramatic turn South.

Kate posted today that she sometime felt she wasn't keeping up with the Gen-X pack and for the first time in a long while I think I felt the same.

While sitting at dinner I was 1 of 16 in attendance. Of the 16, I was 1 of 6 who was not a doctor. Of the six, I was probably 1 of 3 who had the least amount of higher education. To sit amoungst a group of doctors was intimidating to say the least. Not that everyone there wasn't fantastic - because they were - but I felt myself retreating into my shell because I felt as if I simply could not relate. Here I am with my BA in Communications from a school I'm sure no one had ever heard of unless for the faint recolection that the Bengals spend their training season there. Have you ever tried explaining to six brilliant doctors what someone in marketing does? Or how about being the only person there who has gotten divorced and is struggling just to make ends meet. "I have this great apartment, which I just love" doesn't really compare to the "we just bought a house" or "the triplets are just great." I think the precise moment of inferiority was when Slimy's dad stood up and recounted just how much she has accomplished in only thirty years. It wasn't boastful or intended to be anything more than a father proud of his deserving daughter, it was just...well, it was lovely.

But I sat there and thought to myself - here are two, almost lifelong friends, whose paths took two completely different directions. For so long they rode side by side together, until one day when we both left for college - her to BC and me to GC.

And you know what, she really has accomplished so much more in her first thirty years than I have. She's worked very hard her entire life to do so. She can diagnose disease and save the lives of children. She has delivered babies and watched people die. She got the highest honors from Vandy's med school. She was chief resident at a top pediatric program. She married a fabulous man who spoils her rotten. She is thoughtful and kind, dedicated and determined. She's done it all herself - and deserves the credit for who she has become.

I don't know, I guess it made me sit back and think "what have I really done?" What have I done that I can be proud of or that has made a difference in my own or anyone elses life for that matter? I don't think this really where I saw myself at the cusp of thirty. I think when I was younger I felt like I could change the world. I was sort of an activist when I was in high school and I knew I was making a difference. For some reason I always thought I would achieve so much more. That I would go out there into the world and I would do something worth while. That somehow, someway I was destined to become someone great and instead I become someone mediocre at best.

Although content, I realized on my way back home last night that I really have achieved nothing that I had hoped to. Well, maybe that's just it. Maybe I didn't (and still don't) really know what it was I had hoped to achieve. Perhaps that's the plight of us Gen-Xers - there are those of us who are born knowing our path and those of us who spend most of our lives trying to figure out a path that resembles anything like the one we should choose.

There is still something in me that says I am destined to be something great. Something that tells me the mistakes of my twenties can be followed up by remarkable achievements in my thirties and beyond...at least there is still hope.

Hope that maybe my next thirty years will make up for the first.

I'll Tell You My Dirty Little Secrets

Hi Mr. Penny,

I wanted to let you know that my blog address is www.mygirlabby.blogspot.com but as we both know now, you already knew that.

Here's what I wrote a few weeks ago that you recall had been missing. I took it off the morning after I posted it because I was afraid you were reading my blog and it was a little too invasive at the time. Pretty much this is kinda lame in hindsight, especially since you saw the one from last week. Yes, I'm STILL hiding my face BAAAA-bie.

It was called "They Think My Penny's Sexy":

I know. Remember Mr. Penny? He came to NB-C's tonight for a cookout. And he was charming, witty, and full of the same things I typically see on my lonesome. I don't know what it is about him... Maybe it's because he's able to converse and be himself without prompts (you know, like normal people) - I like that about him. (I am not going to comment a whole lot here - if you don't know, just take a guess about my former life). I like that Mr. Penny can hold his own in a crowd - an unfamiliar and possibly intimidating crowd. I like that he's comfortable in his own skin. And I like that he was on time tonight to pick me up. Really, I cannot say enough about that. That is not only sexy, that is spectacular. I appreciate a man who is respects your time, and your friends...It is the epitome of sexy. Been an odd weekend. Don't know what else to say. No complaints. Just good. Just good...

So that's it. I had fun today and I promise never to Dial Under the Influence again. Well not to the point of harassment anyway. Chapters 1-3. I know. Read, review, repeat.

Anywho...So this is my blog and yes, I really am this crazy - which I'm sure you've figured out long ago. What you read here is 100% me.

I guess there aren't many of my secrets out there anymore...

It's The Meds...They Make Me Crazy

Well at least I figured it out. I now have identified the source of my recent discontent. My beloved new anti-child producing medication has made me a psycho. Indeed, I am self diagnosing myself.

The diagnosis is as follows: Hormones significantly out of whack.

Typical symptoms:

• Sprouting horns
• Crying for no reason
• Taking everything out of context
• Overwhelming addiction to carbs and inactivity
• Becoming neurotic
• Strong propensity to be a total beotch

Symptoms should aleviate within one week. For all you friends out there - even the ones who don't admit to reading my blog but who somehow know everything I discuss, mmm hmmm, you know who you are, I'm on to you - I'll return to normal non-self depreciating humor soon.

Until then, I'll be enjoying my new membership to Netflix and eating a lot of carb laden foods. I'm going to crawl in my hole now and fuckoff. For your own safety, I suggest you do the same until I re-emerge.

3 For 1

Yep, I don't have a whole lot to say but the occasional random thought and today has been an exemplarary (sp) day to acheive that...

I have decided the following things annoy me today:

1. People who read your blog but never comment (sorry Julia).
2. Seeing your ex's on myspace.com and what has become of them.
3. People named "big smooth" or "scrappy" who want to be your friend on myspace.com and who obviously only like fat white bitches.
4. Not smoking.
5. Basically being called a fat white bitch.
6. The Devil Wears Prada. Why indeed, she does. Enough said.
7. Speaking too soon.
8. Bad portrayls of Kentucky.
9. Dogs who shit on the floor. For the second time in a few days.
10. People you don't want to have feelings for you who do.
11. Family members who don't have time for you.
12. Being grossly underpaid and horribly under appreciated.
13. Trying to figure out if I should move to Virginia or stay in KY.
14. People who read your blog but don't admit it.
15. Comments made in passing that can change everything.
16. Working late because you have no other choice. Oh and that goes back to #12.
17. Being sick of not having any money.
18. Listening to music that brings back memories.
19. Family members who invade your space.
20. Pretty much everything, just cause.

I am in a terrible mood and I admit it. But just cause. That's the only reason I can give as to why. Just cause.

This is one of the days I am not at my finest. This is one of the days, and probably one of those weeks when I should just forget about changing humanity. Or making anything go in my favor. Not gonna happen. Not to this girl. Not this week.

Everyone has their routine or path that gets off base now and then. But it's amazing how someone else can impact the diversion. I'm the one this week. Spoke to soon. Optimism not in my favor. Glass half empty. Should be better at listening to my own intuition. Period was last week, perhaps hormones are delayed. But no one likes ...

thenegativeNat. Maybe I should just getovermyselfandtellmyselftofuckoff.

Yes, fuckoffjustcause I can. Just cause.

It works.

It is me you know. I can say that without getting pissed.

Who Dey ... Who Dey ... Who Dey Think My Flossie Is

This is the best thing I've seen all day. My sister sent these AWESOME pictures of my Nana - aka "Flossie" - traveling from Virginia last week:

The consumate traveler

The Flossarific in what I will call "Self Portrait"

Mama Needs A Cocktail

That's all I can say...

So There's This Guy...

"After awhile you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh." - Mr. Big

Have you noticed (aside from the fun quizes this week thanks to myspace.com - more on that later) that I've been trying to tell you what is going on in my life without really telling you what is going on in my life? Well, strange things are a front at the Circle K. I'm a little hesitant to talk about this because, see, I'm sort of superstitious about what will happen if I jump the gun and speak before I know just how real it is. I am afraid if I say anything here then something bad will happen.

It's sort of like when I was fifteen and I met this guy, Shawn, at the Franklin County fair. Slimy and I used to always meet boys in weird places. Anyway, Slimy and I spent the next seven days as a foursome. Paired up together like animals in the ark. Kevin & Slimy. Nat & Shawn. We spent the next seven days together, each night a new adventure. He was sort of becoming my boyfriend. And we all knew it. And then I had to go on vacation. I dreaded the vacation because I knew, somehow, that it would all be over. That he would forget about the last seven days and he would forget my name.

And he did.

Ever since then I have sort of become paralyzed with doubt and fear if you want to call it that when it comes to a budding relationship. It's sort of like counting your chickens before they hatch. It's the same thing that happened with Mr. Potential. I went away for Christmas and we never went back. So now, I am afraid to speak before I know that it's okay to do so.

This has been my year of learning about me.
This has been my year of letting go.
In more areas than just those that deal with the heart.

What I have learned about myself since December, is that I fall hard and I fall fast. I am usually drawn to toxic men. Men who are unavailable. Men who don't really get me. Men who have some restriction on giving themself fully to me. I think I do it on purpose to spare myself the eventual heartache. But it sure makes for a lot of drama along the way. Anyway...

I met someone in January I had no expectations of initially. The recent burn of Mr. Potential was still hot. Turned out I made a friend who made me laugh. I ended up falling for that friend who was completely honest with me from the first week about not wanting a relationship. For awhile I wasn't sure how I felt about him and then almost over night I realized I liked him. I asked him to define his feelings for me. I realized he was probably not sure if he knew how he felt. And then I thought I could hang on and things might change - maybe he'd feel something for me if I held on long enough, if I told him how I felt. I never waivered from that honesty. He never waivered from his own. I bowed out gracefully.

He didn't let me go.

He remained my friend. In doing so, I learned that I wanted him in my life - that I could be okay with that because I enjoyed his friendship enough to allow him to stay. We made it a couple days without talking. We made it a couple weeks without seeing each other. He asked me to lunch. Next day to happy hour. And I freaked out. I got my hopes up. I thought this was it - he'd turned the corner. Guess what? It wasn't. And then I crashed emotionally.

I knew I had to let it go - not just say I was going to, but really do it. I had to let it go. And so, for the very first time in my life, I did. I became content to see what may, but mostly what may not come. I happily accepted his friendship and the understanding that nothing else was attached. I was completely fine with that. I put him out of my head and enjoyed M-F/9-5. As his friend and only his friend I started being completely honest with him about things I had closed off from disclosing in the beginning. I recognized that this was a person who did everything on his own pace. I valued that. I stopped pushing. I let him ask me questions instead of me monopolizing the terms. I'm not sure exactly when it was, but I got back in the game somewhere between the time when I let it go and I realized that he's worth playing the game for. I realized that he has taught me something about myself that I never knew I was capable of...

Being content.

You know, I'm not sure where things stand and I'm not trying to predict the outcome. I am not scared to let this evolve. I just know that I'm happy, here and now. I'm learning more about myself than I ever expected to, I am thankful I met someone who is my friend first and foremost, who thinks I'm sexy and who, more than I realized, understands me.

And wouldn't you know it...I'm laughing.

100 Things About Me

1. Name: Natalie
2. Middle Name: Anne
3. State:Kentucky
4. Place of Birth: Nashville, TN
6. Male or Female: Female
7. Bus/Car: Car
8. School:Georgetown College
9. Occupation: Grossly underpaid customer relationship guru
10. Initials: NAS
11. Screen Name: not tellin

YOUR APPEARANCE
12. Hair Color: brown
13. Hair Length: short
14. Eye color: blue
15. Best Feature: eyes
16. Height:5'9"
17. Braces: not since 7th grade
19. Shoe size: 10
20. Diploma: Yep

YOUR FIRSTS
22. First best friend: Kara H.
23. First Award: Some honor thing in Upper Arlington in 4th grade b/c I turned in $10 I found on the sidewalk to the police
24. First Sport You Joined: Volleyball
25. First thing you did today: Took my girl outside
26. First Real vacation: I'm sure it was to New England
27. First thing you said today: "My freakin hair is a mess"
28. First Love: I'm going to go with Andrew S.

FAVORITES
29. Movie: Shakespeare in Love, The Godfather, Breakfast Club...etc., etc., etc.
30. TV Show: Sex In The City, Project Runway, Sopranos, Rescue Me, Nip/Tuck
31. Color(s): Midnight Blue
32. Rapper: Will Smith - come on - that song Summertime is a classic
33. Place to get groceries: Well ideally Whole Foods, but mostly Kroger
34. Food: Italian everything
35. Season: Fall/spring
36. Candy? Haribo gummi bears
37. Sport: Football (college that is) OSU preferrably
38. Restaurant: Carabba's
41. School Subject: American History
42. Animal: My girl Abby
43. Book: The Notebook

CURRENTLY
45. Doing before you started this survey: talking to Eric on IM...
46. Feeling: Content. Still.
47. Wearing: bad olive green capris and a black shirt.
48. Crying about: Not much at this time.
49. Eating: Getting ready to go to Ramsey's for dinner...
50. Drinking: Diet Coke
51. Typing: just this
53. Listening To: Poison's greatest hits
54. Thinking about: Needing to go to the gym instead of Ramsey's
55. Wanting: enough money to pay my credit cards off
56. Watching: Nothing but Rescue Me is on tonight

FUTURE
57. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?: Debt free and still content
58. Kids: I hope so
59. Want to be Married: Someday when the time is right again
60. Career in Mind: Yep and grossly underpaid.

WHICH IS BETTER IN THE OPPOSITE SEX
63. Hair color: brown or bald
64. Hair length: short or bald
65. Eye color: green/hazel/blue
66. Measurements: Don't care
67. Cute or sexy: Must have weird characteristic like big ears, nose, or eyebrows?? ;)
68. Lips or Eyes: BOTH
69. Hugs or Kisses: Kisses
70. Short or Tall: Short or tall, I likes 'em all.
71. Easygoing or serious: Easygoing
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: Both
73. Good or Bad: Good
74. Sensitive or spontaneous: Does that really make sense?
75. Hook-up or Relationship: Depends on my mood.
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: These days I prefer those most hesitant.

HAVE YOU EVER
78. Kissed a Stranger: Yep
79. Had surgery: Yes... if wisdom teeth count
80. Gone commando: Mmm hmm..
81. Ran Away From Home: Only if moving to KY counts.
82. Broken a bone: Technically I fractured my wrist when I was three.
83. Got an X-ray: Yes
84. Been on a cruise: Oddly, no.
86. Dumped someone: Does divorcing count?
87. Cried When Someone Died: Absolutely.
88. Cried At School: Yes. And Work.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN
89. God: Yes
90. Miracles: Heck yes I do.
91. Love at First Sight: Yes.
92. Ghosts: Um, yes.
93. Aliens: Well, I just choose to think we're not alone.
94. Soul Mates: Absofreakinlutely.
95. Heaven: Yes.
96. Hell: Yes.
97. Answered prayers: I live on them everyday.
98. Kissing on The First Date: Sometimes. But never with men who call you luscious.
99. Horoscopes: Not really. But fun to read.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
100. Is there someone you wish you had? Well, besides Joseph Fiennes or David Beckham...not really, because I have all I need right now.

If I Were A...

if i were a month i would be: October

if i were a day of the week i would be: Friday

if i were a time of day i would be: 1:00 pm

if i were a planet i would be: Venus

if i were a sea animal i would be: a Dolphin

if i were a direction i would be: East

if i were a piece of furniture i would be: a Bed

if i were a 7 deadly sin i would be: Gluttony

if i were a historical figure i would be: Thomas Jefferson

if i were a liquid i would be: Red Wine

if i were a tree i would be: a Cherry Blossom

if i were a flower/plant i would be: an Iris

if i were a kind of weather i would be: A sunny-72 degrees

if i were a musical instrument i would be: A piano

if i were an animal i would be: a Dog

if i were a color i would be: Midnight Blue

if i were a vegetable i would be: a Potato

if i were a sound i would be: Laughter

if i were an element i would be: Fire

if i were a car i would be: a Honda

if i were a movie i would be directed by: Ang Lee

if i were a book i would be written by: Jennifer Weiner

if i were a food i would be: Macaroni & Cheese

if i were a place i would be: Kauai, Hawaii

if i were a material i would be: Silk

if i were a taste i would be: Spicy

if were a scent i would be: Clean laundry

if i were a word i would be: Love

if i were an object i would be: a Blanket

if i were a body part i would be: Eyes

Playing the Field

So last night as I lay in bed, trying to find anything to watch in lieu of the summer programming hiatus, and of course came about my TBS standby - Sex in the City. I know. Big surprise. What can I say. I'm obsessed and I have no life.

I digress.

Carrie's article and meme of the show this week was something that is actually quite relevant to me right now - and well, has been relevant for quite sometime. The subject of the episode was:

Do you have to play games to make a relationship work?

Well, I would say heck yes you do...

See, I'm sort of an expert in the area of playing games these days. Infact, I've become quite good at playing the game. Don't get me wrong. I hate it and I hate me for it. But I'm playing. Right now at this very moment.

Sometimes I wonder if the games are really any different outside of the single girl world - you know that mostly really scary place called commitment or marriage? Don't you really still play games when you are with someone in a steady relationship as much as you do when you are out there waiting for Mr. Right? You still try to manipulate situations in your favor. You still do something so he'll do something you want him to. I know. I've been there. Done that.

Maybe it's all a game we've just got to learn how to play.

It's like there is an imaginary field with lines that can and cannot be crossed. In the game the outcome is the same as in any other. There are winners and there are losers. We are just constantly trying to get to the end so that we can go off and celebrate, or sulk away in defeat. Sometimes the player gets closer to the win by going the extra distance. Sometimes the perception is that the distance travelled is much too far and must be called back. For overstepping the boundary you get a time out. Sometimes you get to get back into the game when enough time has passed. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much time has passed, you still aren't allowed back in. Sometimes you have to break the rules of the game to continue play. And sometimes you have to take it slow so that the game is not played too fast. Ocassionally, other players step in and change the game up so not to make it boring. Sometimes everyone wants to be the coach.

And then, sometimes, you have to play the game the only way you know how...with your head held high and with a smile on your face. Confident that no matter what the outcome, you played with all you had, you never looked back and you have no regrets.

That's the game I came to play.

You Are Most Like Carrie!

You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date. But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?