Slated to Be a Happy Day

Slimy was induced this morning at 9:00 a.m...Baby Boy is ultra cozy and officially six days past his scheduled arrival...She sent this picture earlier this week and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it...Being pregnant looks painful. I think I'm just jealous of the ice cream.

The Last Eight Days

(SEDW - this one is for you circa 2006)

All At Once :: The Fray

There are certain people you just keep coming back to...

She is right in front of you

You begin to wonder could you find a better one

Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her

Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find

Where no questions cross your mind

But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt

Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her

Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Maybe you want it maybe you need it

Maybe it's all you're running from

Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes

We'd never know what's wrong without the pain

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her

Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there

Maybe you want it maybe you need it

Maybe it's all you're running from

Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her maybe you need her

Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another

To another

Worth It

For Anyone Who Didn't Believe Me

I told you I once was thin. Apparently the thinner I am the bigger my nose is also. God Bless 1994. Those are a size six by the way. SIX! Ok, crying now...

Here's What I Have To Say

Mostly, it's nothing.

I've been staring at this same blank screen for the last six days. So here's what I would say if I could.

I feel like I'm in a vortex right now. I'm standing still and everything is moving around me. Or maybe I'm moving and everything else is standing still. Sometimes too fast, sometimes too slow, but it's fucking me up. I feel absolutely nothing right now. I'm not sad. I'm not happy. I'm just indifferent. Indifferent about everything.

My body is changing. I noticed today when I put on one of my favorite button down shirts this morning. I seem to be swimming in it. As of Friday, I am only down 4 measely pounds, but I can feel a difference in the way my body seems to be shrinking. Thankfully, my new Gold's Gym hobby, strike that, addiction is actually working. I know, right. Novel idea. Bravo, Nat. Bravo.

I am in a constant state of aggitation. I am pissed off perpetually.

This picture makes me smile:




I am a junkie when it comes to death and destruction. A year ago tomorrow, I sat glued to the television for a week-solid because of Hurricane Katrina. Yesterday, I sat glued to the television for 12-hours of vague updates about the plane crash of flight 5191.

I love this song. And I love the movie Elizabethtown. I spent 60-minutes on the treadmill the other day because Elizabethtown was on. I forgot how much I liked that movie. Vee concurs.

This picture of my Flossie makes me hap-hap happy. My mom sent it to me last week from their trip to my favorite city. She said that Flossie made her take this picture of she and "her hero."


That would be FDR for all you non-liberal kind. Incidentally, one of the best presidents in history with the exception of my beloved Thomas Jefferson and the greatest of all time, and noone can convince me otherwise, William Jefferson Clinton.

One day, I will share with you all what happens at my parents house during an election year...

God Bless The Liberals

Thank you, NB-C for this bit of comic relief today...Flossie will love this...

Happy Birthday NB-C!!!

A little something scary for you on your big day...

Did you know that Sweet Child O'Mine, that flippin sweet GNfreakinR anthem of ours was released in 1988? That also happens to be the year that the crop of incoming college Freshman were born. Not to make you feel old or anything...

I hope you have a wonderful birthday and an even better year ahead. No surgeries this year, por favor.

Thanks for being my best friend, big sister, and level ground.

Happy Day!

I love you!

Watch This Show

If you haven't watched Gene Simmons and his slightly normal family - you should. I have laughed so hard on several occasions because they are just a loving, funny family and the dad just happens to be the lead singer of Kiss. This is entertainment at it's finest - trust me. I'm a big fan of TV.

Check it out by clicking here.

900 Ounces of Water Will Do That To You

The return of the fat asses to WW has been a productive one. NB-C and I are down a collective 8.2 pounds. She shedding 5 and I shedding 3.2. Not bad for the first week, not bad at all...

More later.

So It Went Something Like This:

The dog was black and white and he looked like he was smiling right before he thudded into my car. I saw him run out into the road from two blocks away. I looked to the right and I saw a mom walking with her two kids up the street. In a split second I thought, I'm going to kill that little girls dog. And she's going to see it. I knew there wasn't much I could do to avoid hitting him. He ran into four lanes of traffic and on his return, right into the left side of my car going 40 miles an hour. I can still feel and hear the thud. I hit him and then stopped and/or tried to swerve to the right to avoid hitting him again and hit another car. I screamed and looked around to see where he was. I saw cars lined up behind me and no dog anywhere. I saw the mom's jaw drop and saw her quickly turn her children around and away. It was the most horrible thing I think I have ever imagined happening to me and now experienced.

I will never, ever forget those few seconds.

I've had to drive that path to work every day. I am now tense and uneasy and I hate it. My stomach knots up until I pass that spot and then it goes away. I know that I am changed because of it. I know that one of my worst fears in life - hitting a dog in a car - has happened. The not knowing of what happened to him has been the worst of it all.

Yesterday I drove home from work and there was a dog house sitting outside of the house where the dog lived - it had most certainly not been there the two days before. It definitely was not there yesterday morning. A sick panic fell back over me because I was convinced he had died. That his owner put it out there for me as some sort of restitution. That I would no longer be referred to as the dog whisperer but known in certain circles as a dog killer. I was positive the delicate balance between the animal kingdom and I had come crashing down...and that is the GOD's honest truth as to what went through my head just by seeing that empty dog house.

So I did my usual this morning. Drove to work on the same path. Knot in the stomach at the same place. And guess what?



The dog lived.

I saw him this morning in his yard. Sleeping. In front of his dog house.

Thankfully.


Here's the rest of the story:
I sometimes have a hard time putting things into perspective. I really tend to get worked up more than necessary and I usually look back and think what an idiot, I could have handled things so much differently. However, I am not sure that I really could have not gotten upset about this. I mean, it was a dog - and it was in front of kids. For anyone who knows me, you know that those are my two favorite things in the world and the thought of hurting either DESTROYS me. I am a tad, as some might say, overly emotional. I admit. Highly sensitive and over reactive. Part of what makes me who I am - and I would like to think a good quality most of the time.

Sometimes I just need perspective. Or a hug. Or the simple acknowledgement that I'm hurting. Or to be left alone to process it all.

This time I needed all of that.

I know I probably overreacted, but this one knocked me for a big loop. This one got me pretty good.

This one hurt more than just about anything.

But I'm pretty good again - and while I don't think I can talk much more about the actual details than what I'm saying here - I'm ok and I've held My Girl a little tighter each day and loved on her a little more. Next Tuesday the Honda will be back to me and the Taupe Taurus will be lent to another questionable driver.


And all will be back to good.

Cento

I am completely un-original and stole the premise for this post from one of my favorite Blogger's - Kris at I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Wino. I feel like I should have balloon's or streamer's today for my 100th post. But alas, today isn't really such a good day - so we'll just settle for the following:

10 years ago...I was 19 and working in my grandfather’s pharmacy for the summer. It was the summer before my junior year in college. I loved that job and loved working for my family. For the first time in my life I thought – this is a career I could have – to be a pharmacist. But I didn’t change directions in my college classes, I just stayed on the path and reserved my mentality for what I wanted to do post graduation (but didn’t), and that was be a pharmaceutical rep.

5 years ago... I had been married for three months. I was unemployed and vacationing at my aunt & uncle’s farm in Virginia. Five years ago this Thursday (8/17) I was offered a job with my current employer. I was also having a lot of arrhythmia and had to have a battery of tests – most of the tests occurred on 9/11.

1 year ago...I was looking at buying a house. Instead I found my apartment. I had a horrible Miranda moment.

Yesterday...I saw my grandparents, had lunch with my parents and my sister at a favorite Greek restaurant, saw my cousin’s new condo, and drove home from Columbus.

Today...While driving to work I hit a dog. Of all the things I hit a dog. And then I hit another car. In front of a mom and her two kids. I wrecked my car and someone else’s and possibly killed a dog. I have spent a lot of time feeling bad and trying not to cry. I am completely stressed about the conference I plan at work.

Tomorrow...will be a new day.

5 snacks I enjoy...well, given the new WW restrictions…hummus & veggies, Goldfish crackers, guacamole, cheese, and Haribo gummi bears.

5 songs I know all the words to… Sweetest Goodbye by Maroon 5, Breathe Me by Sia, I’m Not Ready to Make Nice by Dixie Chicks, Sailing by Christopher Cross, and Cannonball by Damien Rice.

5 regrets...Not taking my college career more seriously, not moving to DC after college, not making that phone call senior year, not knowing myself better before getting married, not leaving sooner.

5 television shows I watch weekly...Project Runway, Rescue Me (right now), Nip/Tuck, Sopranos, and Survivor (when they are on).

5 things I would do with $100,000,000...pay off my debt and my parents and friends debt, donate a few million to the Pulmonary Hypertension Association, start my own carryout/catering business, invest, travel to fabulous and luxurious locations around the world.

5 locations I would love to run away to...Tuscany, The Greek Isles, Kauai, Bali, Australia/New Zealand.

5 things I hate doing...Yardwork, washing floors, putting away laundry, confronting someone, disappointing anyone.

5 things I like doing...Cooking, traveling, being with my friends, reading and swimming.

5 things I would never wear…white shoes before memorial day, any combination of brown/black together, nude hose with sandals, horizontal stripes, banana clips.

5 recently seen movies I like...The Way We Were, Shopgirl, Talladega Nights, Capote, Crash.

5 famous people I'd like to meet...Thomas Jefferson, Anderson Cooper, Joseph Fiennes, NKOTB, and Tina Turner. This is a hard one because I can’t think of anyone specifically other than my boy TJ.

5 biggest joys of the moment...Not a good day to answer that! I guess I’d have to say – my family, my friends, my girl Abby, my health and my boy DJW.

Hello My Name Is Fat Ass

(You'll never see two people happier to be back to WW in their lives. My head is apparently the size of a basketball. The other picture we took was worse. My double chin looked like it would eat you.)

Oh stop, stop…I know, thanks for saying “no you aren’t.” I appreciate it, really I do. But I am and it’s confirmed. NB-C officially rejoined the public humiliation and cattle call I like to refer to as Weight Watchers.

Again.

I think this is something like, numero quatro for me.

I think I should get a badge for every time I go back. The first time I went to WW, I think like in 2003, I was super gung-ho. I was like the diet nazi. I carried around my 32 ounce water mug and drank like 3 of them everyday. I was exceptionally hydrated. I lost 30 pounds.

So ya, I would go each week and I would actively participate in every meeting. I committed to 8 weeks but I think I made it 18. Let me tell ya, I put the commit! in committed. I’d raise my hand like that annoying kid in your high school math class that always knew the answers. I would affix my five pound star to my first five pound bookmark and proudly display it on my refrigerator so everyone could see my achievements. I loved finding 2-point foods or figuring out inventive ways to make a Skinny Cow just a little more dessert-y. If people would say “let’s go to Wendy’s for lunch” I would announce how many points my meal would have without even thinking. I was an annoying dieter. I think I even started recruiting after awhile.

For any of you who have experienced the dub-dub you know what I’m talkin’ about.

And then I lost my will and my way.

A few months later I think I tried getting back on the wagon. I went back over the next couple of years probably at least a few times, but I never seemed to get that same level of motivation or commitment I had on the first go round. I never attended the meetings. I just counted points, paid $10 a week, got weighed and left. No commitment. No desire to push on through that plateau!

I guess it’s pretty good that I’ve only gained 10 or so pounds back over three years. At least I’m not the total fat ass I was in ’03. I guess it’s just another thing to check off my list. Maybe I’m finally at a place where I need SOME form of commitment again. This time it’ll just be to the WW points and Gold’s Gym. Well hell, I’ve pretty much kicked the smoking thing (again, yes I still smoke mother when I drink it’s better than a half a pack a day, hello) and I was digging the gym a few weeks ago (pre-hormonal rage thing) and well, besides work what else do I have to do?

NB-C and I weighed in at noon and our progress shall be well documented…I would tell you my starting weight but there are somethings a girl should just keep to herself. Yes, I know you are asking yourself if this is an "she's about to turn 30 you know" crisis. Well heck yes it is! There are some things I should be in the new decade and fat is not one of them. So I’m setting a goal of a 20 pound drop prior to the big day. 30 for 30 would be better, but I will keep my expectations to "moderate" for the time being. If I lose 20, I will have to shop for new clothes and gee, I just hate that…

For those, ahem, of you out there who think I lack commitment, that I am all talk and no action. Well you’ve just never seen what this girl can do when she sets her mind to it. Stay tuned.

SO everyone raise your abnormally large and slightly embarrassing water jugs and cheer us on! NB-C and I are on a mission and we’re just the fat asses to do it...

(I mean that lovingly of course)

Number 98

As I near my soon to be 100 post mark, Kate made me think long and hard today - so I have to take some time to reflect on why it is I started this blog way back in January. I can’t believe I’ve actually had that much to say – but I have – and what’s more – is that I still do.

NB-C used to say she was going to start a blog -- and me, usually being tardy into the latest and greatest, had no idea what that meant. She kind of threw around the idea about starting a meme about the adventures of her newly single friend. We giggled and we laughed and discussed how we should make t-shirts about dating me. It simply would be a forum to discuss, analyze, and hopefully provide insight into the new chapter of a suddenly-single friend and her dating adventures.

It all started so innocently.

And so it began, and it was fun and it looked like something I might want to do to, only I didn’t really have any idea what I would talk about or really what it would become. And it was pretty slow going at first. But it became something of a novelty. And then it became an outlet. What I can see now is that this blog has become a part of me…in the simplest terms, in the most convienent definitions (thank you Breakfast Club), my blog is, well…it’s just me.

When it started, I didn’t know I would put my whole self out there. But true to form, I did. For you loyal readers, and those of you I call my friend, you know that my whole self is indeed out there.

So here I am.

Raw. Exposed. Dramatic. Indecisive. Sensitive. Sad. Happy. Confused. Lonely. Full. Content. Discontent. Trusting.

Me.

I’m not sure when the time came when I worried that I had said too much or I worried about whose eyes might come across its path. I guess it was precisely the time when I became in cyberspace the person I am inside my head. It’s not easy to put everything in your head in simple words for all the world to see. It’s not easy to go back and re-read what exactly you have said. It’s even harder to imagine your exposed soul being out there for people to comment on, surmise your real meaning, or move past in-spite-of.

But it’s me.

For as much of the person I am who blurts out before thinking, for that bulging heart that I wear on my sleeve, for as much as my heart strives to be known – my blog reveals what I won’t generally say. Outloud that is. It’s what I long to say, but what I am most afraid to. It’s what only a few people really know about me. It’s who I am.


And here you are.

I put it out there for you to know me better, or understand me better, or answer the questions you don’t know how to ask. I trust that you won’t abuse the knowledge I give you. Occasionally, I sensor what I say because sometimes I am afraid what you will think. Or what you will misunderstand. That’s what I do, that’s what I’m afraid of.

What you think.

I don’t do this for you and yet I’m not sure how it became so much about me. But it’s part of this long strange trip I’ve been on for the last 8 months. It’s about the people, the places, the life, the laughter, and the love that I have experienced and continue to experience each day. It’s about what I hope to find and it’s about what is important to me. It’s about who I am becoming. It’s about what I want. And what I don’t. It’s about people who are a part of me. Either by blood, by friendship, by soul sister-ness, by acquaintance, or by possiblility.

I am just a girl who is slightly fucked up because of an overly imaginative heart and mind. Just a girl who is trying to figure out where she fits in this world. A soon to be 30-year old with a fat ass and a crooked nose. Someone who doesn’t know where she really belongs. Or who cares to belong to her. I read into everything. I analyze every word. I love to cook and to entertain. I wish someone would send me flowers for no reason. I'm a pretty cute chick who loves her friends, family, and dogs more than shopping. I am a horrible drunk and I act like an idiot. I am paralyzed by the possibility of getting hurt. I am a girl who crosses the line, and usually has to pick up the pieces of the mess I make. I can't wait to be a mother. I'm overly sensitive but I will always put it all out there. And yes, I am dramatic.

I am not weird. I am not odd. I am not strange.

I am just me.

And for as much as I care what you think - what I have realized since having my blog is that if you don't "get it" you don't "get me" and that's ok too. Just don't stick around.

If you can't handle this, you can't possibly handle me.

For you, my current “lurkers,” or those of you who remain in my world only as “anonymous” – just remember, I have 8 months of blogging under my belt and technology does have its advantages. I know when you visit and what you read. Just as you are a voyeur into my world, I am now peeking back at you. I hope that you will stay, but I also hope you will say hello now and then.

For my future readers, those wanted and unwanted…Hi, my name is Nat and this is my blog.

Stay or go, but all I ask is that you know who I am when you do.

And By The Way

Yes, I am on the blonde ambition tour. Actually, my hair was close to the current color in high school, it just has spent the last 12 years or so trekking somewhere between auburn & brunette. I decided a few months ago I should see if blondes do really have more fun. Plus I'm trying to grow my classic short hair into a nice medium length and well, what better way to pass the time.

Funny thing is, it wasn't until I returned from my weekend hiatus that I was informed it was that much different than it was prior to my last weeks highlighting appointment. I didn't really think it looked that much different until 85 people commented on how dramatic it apparently is.

Okey dokey if ya'll say so.

Here's a little hair timeline for the old girl. I can't decide what color I should be.


February 05 (auburn)


May 05 (auburn with highlights)


August 05 (brown)



June 06 (bad eyeshadow day - brown with highlights)


August 06 (blonde with some natural brown)

Help a sister out - cast your vote!

I Miss You More Than Yesterday

I had the best time ever this weekend visiting SEDW & my little man. I just transferred pictures from my camera to my computer and I have tears in my eyes...I am just amazed at my little one. He is so smart. He is so happy. He is so good. I am totally in love. I can't imagine what it's like to be a mother but being with DJW makes absolutely certain that I can't wait to be one. I am also amazed by what a wonderful mother SEDW is. I always knew she would be, and that she was, but she is a natural. I so enjoyed seeing her for the first time in the twelve years of our friendship in this role. We had a wonderful time just being together. Laughing and talking even as the hours seemed to stand still yet pass by much too quickly.

I miss you so much already.