So It Went Something Like This:

The dog was black and white and he looked like he was smiling right before he thudded into my car. I saw him run out into the road from two blocks away. I looked to the right and I saw a mom walking with her two kids up the street. In a split second I thought, I'm going to kill that little girls dog. And she's going to see it. I knew there wasn't much I could do to avoid hitting him. He ran into four lanes of traffic and on his return, right into the left side of my car going 40 miles an hour. I can still feel and hear the thud. I hit him and then stopped and/or tried to swerve to the right to avoid hitting him again and hit another car. I screamed and looked around to see where he was. I saw cars lined up behind me and no dog anywhere. I saw the mom's jaw drop and saw her quickly turn her children around and away. It was the most horrible thing I think I have ever imagined happening to me and now experienced.

I will never, ever forget those few seconds.

I've had to drive that path to work every day. I am now tense and uneasy and I hate it. My stomach knots up until I pass that spot and then it goes away. I know that I am changed because of it. I know that one of my worst fears in life - hitting a dog in a car - has happened. The not knowing of what happened to him has been the worst of it all.

Yesterday I drove home from work and there was a dog house sitting outside of the house where the dog lived - it had most certainly not been there the two days before. It definitely was not there yesterday morning. A sick panic fell back over me because I was convinced he had died. That his owner put it out there for me as some sort of restitution. That I would no longer be referred to as the dog whisperer but known in certain circles as a dog killer. I was positive the delicate balance between the animal kingdom and I had come crashing down...and that is the GOD's honest truth as to what went through my head just by seeing that empty dog house.

So I did my usual this morning. Drove to work on the same path. Knot in the stomach at the same place. And guess what?



The dog lived.

I saw him this morning in his yard. Sleeping. In front of his dog house.

Thankfully.


Here's the rest of the story:
I sometimes have a hard time putting things into perspective. I really tend to get worked up more than necessary and I usually look back and think what an idiot, I could have handled things so much differently. However, I am not sure that I really could have not gotten upset about this. I mean, it was a dog - and it was in front of kids. For anyone who knows me, you know that those are my two favorite things in the world and the thought of hurting either DESTROYS me. I am a tad, as some might say, overly emotional. I admit. Highly sensitive and over reactive. Part of what makes me who I am - and I would like to think a good quality most of the time.

Sometimes I just need perspective. Or a hug. Or the simple acknowledgement that I'm hurting. Or to be left alone to process it all.

This time I needed all of that.

I know I probably overreacted, but this one knocked me for a big loop. This one got me pretty good.

This one hurt more than just about anything.

But I'm pretty good again - and while I don't think I can talk much more about the actual details than what I'm saying here - I'm ok and I've held My Girl a little tighter each day and loved on her a little more. Next Tuesday the Honda will be back to me and the Taupe Taurus will be lent to another questionable driver.


And all will be back to good.