Old Habits Die Hard

Next time I'm like this will be the true test...

So did I mention that I have only had one cigarette since Sunday? That's right. Sunday approximately at 11:30 a.m. to be exact. I have recently become so disgusted with this habit of mine that I am trying to use the late great unpleasantness (aka my now almost-week-long-illness-that-doesn't-seem-to-be-getting-any-better-with-antibiotics) to just nip it in the bud. Or butt, whatever more appropriate. Almost 4 whole days.

It's now a battle of my psyche...and we all know how stable that psyche of mine is!

Well, the true test is that next Miller Lite I have or glass of Shiraz. I haven't had a drink yet to instigate the musthavecigarettewiththatcocktail habit, but we'll cross that bridge when my sense of smell and or taste buds decide to return...

Sick

You know what sucks worse than spending a perfectly beautiful, potentially fun, much needed long weekend stuck inside your house because you have developed an abundant amount of snot and other fine ailments including a sinus & upper resipitory infection over the last four days?

Here's what:

It being 95-degrees outside, and that must have black leather scorches your ass because you've just been told that the air conditioning in your sleek two-year old car is going to cost $900 to fix because there is a hole in the compressor and because a rock must have hit it, it's not "covered under warranty."

You know what sucks worse than being told that?

Not having a dime to pay for it and having to resort to asking your parents for money.

That's what makes me the most sick.

To be 29.5 and having to rely on anyone other than myself makes me sick. If I'd only taken that business class while at the country club. If only I wouldn't have paid for a small child from a third world country on my credit cards over the last two years. If only I'd learn that my name is not Nat Rockefeller...

Thank God for parents that will still take care of you when you need it.

Just Some Things To Consider For Next Year

Dear. Mr/Ms. Producer of American Idol,

I have to say, I am going to miss Tuesday & Wednesday nights. I feel like I'm losing a friend - after all you've been with me every week since January. As a devoted AI fan, I thought I would mention a few things that may help make the 2007 season better than ever:

• Please get more beautiful bald men like my Chris on next season. I do not need any queer looking men like Ace, Bucky, or God love him, Elliott.
• Please never, ever, under any circumstance get Meatloaf to sing Celine Dion. God forbid he ever ruin "the Greatest Singer in the World's" song by trembling in the first 20 seconds.
• Please do not exploit one's dumbness by doing a mock food session with Wolfgang Puck and one Kelly Pickler pretending to eat escargot.
• Please limit the annoying Ford commericals. It's really sad what you make those people do.
• Please continue to have Coke sponsor so that they can make more enthralling commercials that say "thank you for drinking." Drinking what? Who me? Why, you're welcome! That glass of Shiraz was fabulous last night!
• Please ask Tony Braxton when she turned into a 55-year old smoker man. I am still a little concerned that someone just invaded her body, because I don't remember her being a bass?
• Please, please, please never let a Clay Aiken wanna be almost piss himself onstage by the mere presence of his recently made over and somewhat scary Idol in person. Oh, and while I love the irony of this weird kid with the bad teeth singing with Clay, please next time give them a different song than "Don't let the sun go down on me." There are so many jokes I could make about that.
• While I know you are trying to promote the American Idol tour, is it really necessary to have the medley's? It's just, ewww.
• Speaking of...I never, ever, want to hear Chicken Little single "What's New Pussycat." I mean, that's just cruel. And gross. And I never, ever, want to think of him saying the "P" word.
• I'm sorry, I must have been mistaken. Surely that wasn't David Hasselhoff in the audience, and I must have been wrong to think that I actually saw him CRYING when Taylor was crowned the American Idol. I mean, it may just be me but I think it's overkill...
• Big props to having a surprise appearance by my favorite member of the royal family, Prince.

I think that's about it. Feel free to hire me to be the next Paula Abdul. It would give me a great excuse for that weight loss surgery I'm dying to have.

I'll be waiting for your call.

Sincerely,

The Future Mrs. Daughtry

To All the Men I've Loved Before

It's a funny thing how turning thirty makes you philosophical. It's now official. SEDW turned the big 3-0 on Saturday, and I am the last of the bunch to make the leap into the next decade. It's the final countdown (go ahead and do the little tune from Europe's song - it's ok, I do it everytime). My half birthday is, of course, 6-6-06. (That's for you Julia)

It's also a funny thing what triggers certain thoughts in my head. I started thinking about my love for the opposite sex and just how many men in my life I have loved. Of course, the trigger was the Behind the Music on Guns N' Roses last night as I was falling asleep...Maybe I mistook all those they had "loved" before for my own feeble attempt to explain to myself why I just can't get some boys out of my head. Since I fall so hard and fall so fast, I thought I should take an inventory of just how many there are. So here they are, from beginning to end...I really should get a more productive hobby.

My dad: because he's a kind and decent man and because he allowed me to think that when I was 8 we could start that "father/daughter" construction business

My uncle: for calling me Lizard Lips and for loving me like his own

My Johnny: for all the trips and stories and well, for being my grandfather

Dave J. & Rob B.: for making 7th grade a total hell and for reminding me that guys are total assholes sometimes and that for the rest of my life I would feel inferior because of my weight

Joe, Jordan, Danny, Donnie & Jon: for bringing me into adulthood in a nice clean cut sort of way (please reunite...please, for the sake of all that is good and holy)

Shawn G.: for being the first boy to give me a broken heart

Jason W.: for being the first crush I had in high school, and for being a nice boy - always...And also, in hindsight, probably gay

Matt H.: for making me believe that love at first sight is possible and that two people can really connect immediately

Slash: for that flippin sweet rif at the begining of Sweet Child O'Mine

Jason C.: for bringing out my inner diva and for teaching me how to flirt like hell

Andrew S.: for being my first love, for being a truly good and decent human being, for being the man all others have to ineveitably compare to

Jeremy B.: for being the man I always thought I wanted but never could really hold on to, for my college years, for making me recognize life moments, for romance and butterflies and being almost everything

Jason S.: for being the husband formerly known as mine and for all the good and bad along the way

Will Shakespeare: for the belief of true, all consuming love that knows no boundaries, distance or time

Joel Barish: for teaching me how to hold on and when to let go

Mr. Potential: for coming out of left field and for breaking my heart when I didn't think it was possible to break

Mr. Penny: for making me laugh and for being really close to the man I am looking for

...and so to all those I have yet to love...may you be more than most, less than some, but never anything short of enough.


(oh, it wouldn't hurt if you wore good shoes, smell like Jean-Paul Gautier, be bald and make me hap-hap-happy...)

Seriously

Yes, that is my ass. And yes, it's really that big.

Further proof that anyone over a size ten should never, under any circumstance, wear khaki pants.

I have no idea why I thought it was a good idea to wear them on that day. It clearly should be a sin. This is why.

So I am back from Philly. Didn't see the hot Italian. Though rumor has it he was in town. Sigh. Oh well, word also is that he is engaged. Blah.

So let's see, besides wearing horrible khaki pants, I drank beer.

A lot.

Also, I only had three regular meals the whole time I was there. Two of those were the first day. Didn't want to ruin the buzz, ya know.

If you go, here are some things I'd recommend to do in Philly:

Get a cheesesteak : check

Climb the museum steps fondly referred to as "the Rocky" steps : check check

Drink excessive amounts of microbrews : check check check

Manage to stay away from making an ass out of oneself : FREAKING AWESOME

...more to come.

M.I.A.

Hello friends. It's been awhile. I apologize for my long abscense but I tried to post yesterday, a masterpiece, if you will about my dear love being voted off American Idol. When I hit publish it just all went away, and seeing as the recounting of my beautiful Chris' loss was just too painful I couldn't manage to write it all again.

Not to worry, although there have been may inquiries into my well being after such devastation, I am alive and kicking and trying to think of the bright side. Of course, Tuesday's won't really be the same anymore and the only thing saving me from crawling in a hole is the fact that his beautiful bald head is still all over the internet and television because of his untimely demise.

Sigh.

So I'm headed to Philly on Monday for a tradeshow and I think I would be excited to get out of the grey cubicle hell but I'm so tired I can't muster the energy. I am hoping to spot the Hot Italian customer of mine while in PA which would definitely be worth the trip. Oh how I love Italian men.

The big project of mine is wearing me out combined with all the other projects at work and I'm glad its the weekend so I can step back and take a breath. Lots on my plate right now and I'm just hoping it pays off.

In other exciting news, One of the Boys and his wife had a baby girl last Thursday. She is a beauty and has a ton of jet black hair. Pretty!

Only 3 full weeks to go until the vacay to FLA followed by the trip to Las Vegas. This girl should can use some R&R.

Ya'll have a great week :)

Everything I Needed To Know About Life I Learned From New Kids On The Block

• You Got It (The Right Stuff) - what happens when you meet someone and after a few dates (or drinks) determine they have potential
• Hangin' Tough - what happens when you and your friends are drunk in a bar
• I'll Be Loving You Forever - what happens when you are in high school
• Please Don't Go Girl - what happens when he gets a little psycho
• Cover Girl - what happens when you have a great hair / make up day
• Step by Step - what happens when you go to counseling
• This One's For The Children - what happens when you are the Jolie-Pitt's
• Games - what happens when you meet someone on the internet
• Whatcha Gonna Do About It - what happens when you break it off with him
• Never Gonna Fall In Love Again - what happens when you get divorced
• Let's Try It Again - what happens when you drunk dial
• Didn't I Blow Your Mind - what happens when you keep taking him back
• Dirty Dawg - what happens when he's an ass
• If You Go Away - what happens when you go psycho

Decisions, decisions...

I must figure out where to stay on my trip to Vegas. Don't be jealous, you're welcome to tag along.

Unfortunately, the hotel where the conference is being held is sold out - boooo! So the options on that end of the strip are limited. I need help because I must stay 1) somewhere nice (you know I don't stay in icky hotels) 2) decently priced (company is thrifty), 3) close to Mandalay Bay.

Options:

1) The Luxor

2) New York, New York

3) MGM Grand

Anyone out there have a recommendation for me!?

Hi! Remember Me? I'm Back.

Well friends, it's been an interesting week...I think I should back up so that it all kind of makes sense. My blogs of late have been a bit cryptic so I feel I need to explain. (Oh, and yes, I did find a fabulous website with tons of Sex In The City quotes...)

Let's see, where to begin...

1) Spend weekend before last in state of certifiable depressive state, do not leave house other than to walk crazy dog child, tan (a girl's got to have priorities), and eat ice cream with NB-C. Oh, and work for five hours on big project while watching the Godfather trilogy.

2) Have four hour phone conversation with Vee about cutting the chord with Mr. Penny. Realize this is the source of my discontent. Make plan to politely bow out of unfulfilling relationship on Monday.

3) Politely bow out of unfulfilling relationship with Mr. Penny.

4) Get better direction on a big work project on Tuesday that turns out to be really exciting and refreshes momentum for my otherwise stagnant career.

5) See hottest of all hot men, Chris Daughtry, on American Idol and profess, outloud, my love for him.

6) Get further career advancement opportunity with above mentioned big project and make plans to go to a freaking awesome tradeshow, found and led by yours truly, in of all places LAS VEGAS in June. Giddy!

7) Recieve quarterly bonus that exceed my expectations and allowed me to 1) save money for vacation 2) pay car insurance and car tags 3) have money left over.

8) Go to Columbus to see the fam and get a revelation from Pops (who has a direct line to God) that the disturbing dream I had been having about our old house was indeed haunting me. Additional revelations about my future and NB-C's prophetic gift insued.

9) Hear funny as hell story from my grandmother about an art project of my Pops way back in the day where he procrastinated to the point he worked himself up over it...So she comes to the rescue and draws a man on a piece of paper. She then decides that the man needs to wear a suit so she cuts out all different types of fabric to put over the man. They glue the fabric to the paper and to their dismay realize that the glue has bled through all of the finely cut clothes. My dad cries and she, the consumate teacher, says "Not to worry, we'll give him a great title." And so they craftfully assign this masterpiece as "The Assassination of Calvin Coollage."

Get it?


Of all the events over the last week, I've learned that there is much that holds us back when we can't let go of things that weigh on the heart. There is relief in moving forward instead of staying at a stand still. It allows you to let go of fear and doubt and embrace hope and love. It's the best thing I have learned that I must do for myself.

Letting go sometimes is the best thing any of us can do for ourselves...or for each other.