Dear. Mr/Ms. Producer of American Idol,I have to say, I am going to miss Tuesday & Wednesday nights. I feel like I'm losing a friend - after all you've been with me every week since January. As a devoted AI fan, I thought I would mention a few things that may help make the 2007 season better than ever:
- Please get more beautiful bald men like my Chris on next season. I do not need any queer looking men like Ace, Bucky, or God love him, Elliott.
- Please never, ever, under any circumstance get Meatloaf to sing Celine Dion. God forbid he ever ruin "the Greatest Singer in the World's" song by trembling in the first 20 seconds.
- Please do not exploit one's dumbness by doing a mock food session with Wolfgang Puck and one Kelly Pickler pretending to eat escargot.
- Please limit the annoying Ford commericals. It's really sad what you make those people do.
- Please continue to have Coke sponsor so that they can make more enthralling commercials that say "thank you for drinking." Drinking what? Who me? Why, you're welcome! That glass of Shiraz was fabulous last night!
- Please ask Tony Braxton when she turned into a 55-year old smoker man. I am still a little concerned that someone just invaded her body, because I don't remember her being a bass?
- Please, please, please never let a Clay Aiken wanna be almost piss himself onstage by the mere presence of his recently made over and somewhat scary Idol in person. Oh, and while I love the irony of this weird kid with the bad teeth singing with Clay, please next time give them a different song than "Don't let the sun go down on me." There are so many jokes I could make about that.
- While I know you are trying to promote the American Idol tour, is it really necessary to have the medley's? It's just, ewww.
- Speaking of...I never, ever, want to hear Chicken Little single "What's New Pussycat." I mean, that's just cruel. And gross. And I never, ever, want to think of him saying the "P" word.
- I'm sorry, I must have been mistaken. Surely that wasn't David Hasselhoff in the audience, and I must have been wrong to think that I actually saw him CRYING when Taylor was crowned the American Idol. I mean, it may just be me but I think it's overkill...
- Big props to having a surprise appearance by my favorite member of the royal family, Prince.
I think that's about it. Feel free to hire me to be the next Paula Abdul. It would give me a great excuse for that weight loss surgery I'm dying to have.
I'll be waiting for your call.
Sincerely,
The Future Mrs. Daughtry
1 comment:
Right on Nat! I never thought I would say that Celine Dion was missed...I'm sure she had a heart palpatation at the EXACT moment Meatloaf destroyed her song....it was just WRONG.
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