"You mean she would rather imagine herself relating to an absent person than build relationships with those around her?" --Raymond Dufayel, Amelie
4.10.2006
Tossing In The Chips
I can't believe I just said the "C" word. I feel dirty.
Anyway, friends...I know, I know I am indeed the great "flip/flopper," especially as it pertains to Mr. Penny. However, I have decided that I must return to the world of online dating. UGGGGHHH. I am just too bored. I am tired of sitting at home, alone, every week night and weekend. Mr. Penny says I don't like to be alone "because I was married." Let me state this loud and clear, just so everyone gets it...I am much less lonely now than I was when I was married. I just happen to be extremely bored and there are so few people available to play with me. Oh, by the way, I am tired of fighting for attention.
It's spring and there is much to do, and I'm so bored having to do it all alone, all the time.
The longer this ambiguity goes on between Mr. Penny and I, the more pissed off and frustrated I get. So, I'm not quite saying goodbye - no, I'm sure next week I'll post about him being wonderful - but I'm going to have to be practical here and be proactive in pursuing something/someone else. It makes me kind of sad, really, but you know, I refuse to put all the power in his hand. If Mr. Penny isn't ready for a real relationship, so be it. But I am. I'm not getting any younger and thus, I don't have three years to wait around for someone to decide whether or not I'm worth having a future with.
I want so badly to give Mr. Penny the benefit of the doubt, but sometimes you gotta call a spade a spade and sometimes you can only do so much to put yourself out there before you realize that its never going to sink in. Sometimes you still have to take steps forward, because not only am I worth more - someone out there is waiting to fall in love with me for all the right reasons. I might as well try to give that person a chance.
So it's time to start wistfully crafting the old profile - hell, at least working on the magical combination of words will give me something to do, which is more than I can say for Mr. Penny.
Sigh.
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3 comments:
Like I said before, if he wants to date someone as boring as a house plant, I'll be happy to send him one from flowers.com. Go Nat!
This guy is totally missing out on something amazing. Keep in mind, it's his loss, not yours. The right fish is out there... you just need to make sure your pole is in the pond so you can catch him. Keep in mind... if you're messing around with a smelt on your line, you're not going to catch the bass (I can't believe I really used a fishing analogy. But whatever...)
Get out there and catch the big one! PS. I am a believer in the whole Match thing.
You don't like to be alone b/c you never were growing up... you slept under my crib b/c you felt things wathching you sleep..if you didn't sleep next to me you slept next to the rent's on the floor... It's not that you were married that your bored... it's just that your so used to having people around your sick of being alone. Your bored because after you got over being by yourself you can't be alone anymore. I love you.. its about time to come see you again...wish gas wasn't so dang expensive!
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