After the blog rebranding effort, I've been a little more than lax on providing any really significant content (if you couldn't already tell). So my little daily diatribes have had to suffice for the last couple of weeks.
The truth is, I've been spending time on another little project and it's taking a mental toll on me. I've been writing a lot. Just not here. The truth is, there are some things in my life that I'm forcing myself to deal with and writing about them is the only way I seem to be able to do that. I wrote of censorship not too long ago, and it got me thinking about something I had myself been censoring. And well, this something is something I'm choosing not to post here.
Sometimes you just need to scream out loud, and not let everyone hear you. Right now, I really need to let some things go. First, I have to remember. Shed some tears, as I fill in the details and miniscule moments I otherwise forced myself to forget.
What I have learned in this process is that the acknowledgement and the writing has opened up the flood gates in me. It's almost like if I don't get it out of me somehow, my heart and mind will explode...soon. I need to focus on getting it all out of my head. So that I don't forget all that I've learned in the last 9 months about myself. I must do this so I don't let my heart get cold.
Don't get me wrong. Things are pretty darn good for me right now. All in all, I have a profound peace about me since moving. Sure, there is a lot of adjustment and my social life isn't exactly thriving...but at the same time, I never feel like I want for anything to do. I never feel like just staying inside my apartment like I did in LEX. I feel better here. It's nice to live in a place where family is just a couple miles away. Where a best friend isn't much farther. And where everyone isn't cut out of the same white-bread mold. It's nice to have so much ahead and so much opportunity.
But I need to let go. So that I don't wake from another dream in tears. Or spend anymore time living in a moment that has already come to pass. I need to cherish the good and I'm afraid that if I don't take the time to do this, that I will be confined to another week, month, year chained to its memory.
And I don't want to lose sight of all that is good in my life, because there is far more that is good than isn't. So my diatribes and quick updates may remain for a bit. Until I get it all out and not be anymore exposed then my own emotions allow. I hope you will understand.
I just need to scream for a little bit.
Scream.
The truth is, I've been spending time on another little project and it's taking a mental toll on me. I've been writing a lot. Just not here. The truth is, there are some things in my life that I'm forcing myself to deal with and writing about them is the only way I seem to be able to do that. I wrote of censorship not too long ago, and it got me thinking about something I had myself been censoring. And well, this something is something I'm choosing not to post here.
Sometimes you just need to scream out loud, and not let everyone hear you. Right now, I really need to let some things go. First, I have to remember. Shed some tears, as I fill in the details and miniscule moments I otherwise forced myself to forget.
What I have learned in this process is that the acknowledgement and the writing has opened up the flood gates in me. It's almost like if I don't get it out of me somehow, my heart and mind will explode...soon. I need to focus on getting it all out of my head. So that I don't forget all that I've learned in the last 9 months about myself. I must do this so I don't let my heart get cold.
Don't get me wrong. Things are pretty darn good for me right now. All in all, I have a profound peace about me since moving. Sure, there is a lot of adjustment and my social life isn't exactly thriving...but at the same time, I never feel like I want for anything to do. I never feel like just staying inside my apartment like I did in LEX. I feel better here. It's nice to live in a place where family is just a couple miles away. Where a best friend isn't much farther. And where everyone isn't cut out of the same white-bread mold. It's nice to have so much ahead and so much opportunity.
But I need to let go. So that I don't wake from another dream in tears. Or spend anymore time living in a moment that has already come to pass. I need to cherish the good and I'm afraid that if I don't take the time to do this, that I will be confined to another week, month, year chained to its memory.
And I don't want to lose sight of all that is good in my life, because there is far more that is good than isn't. So my diatribes and quick updates may remain for a bit. Until I get it all out and not be anymore exposed then my own emotions allow. I hope you will understand.
I just need to scream for a little bit.
Scream.
Into the infinite abyss.
1 comment:
I found you through Kris and started reading your earlier posts... damn, woman, you got me hooked. You are amazing. I love your writing and your attitude on life... and you are gorgeous! What's not to like?
Hope you don't mind if I link to you... want to keep up and see 'what happens next'...
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