On What I Can't Describe

When you are lucky enough to lose, you are lucky enough to live.

And when you are lucky enough to be reminded of how alive you are, well there are no words for that.

I have been reminded this week of what it feels like to be alive. I think I finally turned off the snooze button that for so long was also known as my heart. I've been saved. Saved by knowing my heart is not dead, infact, it is overflowing with the ability to feel again. But I am lost just as I have been saved. And the newness of my heart is only felt in the way it seems to have broken.


The lack of sleep for four days I'm quite sure has contributed to my sudden sappiness, disdane, and overall melancholy. I was good this year. In fact, I put myself to bed at 11:00, without a cocktail, I might add on the first night. That doesn't mean I slept any. A neurotic dog, drunk or stranded attendees, and many racing thoughts contributed to the three or four hours I did get. I made it through my big conference welcome, and in a nutshell, the whole conference went off without a hitch. And just as I always do, I cried at the end - cried because I was glad to be done with it and because I had to say goodbye...but this year I think I might have learned something.



I learned that I look like Barbra Streisand all of a sudden. And that people don't recognize me. I learned that Blue Men can eat a lot of marshmallows and make for a great conference activity. I learned that sometimes you can know someone better in only a few days than you can in a lifetime. I learned that the bigger this event gets, the less I want to stay out late and play. I learned that you have to tell people three times before they get it, and some people you could tell a million times and they still won't. I learned about the shared power of the Number 5. And that your best friend always comes to your rescue. I learned you can't bet it all on a horse called "S****r's Steady Stallion." I learned that there are certain songs that mean the same to two people. And that there are certain fragrances that will bring tears to your eyes almost immediately. I learned that I am of value to the company who pays my bills. And that my boss is out for my best intrests. I learned there are some people who, no matter how much you want them too, just don't know when you need them the most.

But most of all, I learned that a half a world away is just far enough to find someone who makes you believe, all over again.