I Ain't No Holla Back Girl

And I am not even sure what that means. But I'd bet that I'm not really one either.

Sooooo, I know I have been a slacker in the refreshing new and uplifting content lately. Maybe it's cause I've had a rockin' good week. It goes a little somethin' like dis...

My Partner In Crime was here for a long weekend last week. If I could have, I would have held her hostage. We did the stuff we usually do when together. Drank a lot of red wine. Smoked more cigarettes than in all previous four months. Talked for hours about our lives and places in the world. Used spell check, poorly, and masterfully re-created me. Watched a boatload of movies. Laid around. Ate. Watched more movies. Drank lots of beer with NB-C and watched UK get destroyed by UofL. Watched more movies. Ah yes, we really bring out the best in one another. In all it was wonderful. Wonderful because it was just us and it was exactly what we both needed.

Go see Little Miss Sunshine. Run, do not walk. You must see and laugh hard at that movie.

Hello...cutest baby in last 11-months was born last Thursday. Take a look at this chunk a chunk of burnin' love...Going to see him and his momma tomorrow and am very hap hap happy.

Went to ATL for another sales meeting. Stayed here. It was, let's just say, awesome. Now that is a hotel experience. Had a pretty good time catching up and hanging with some of the work folks. Drank too much. Blew the hinges way off the old diet. Well, there's always next week to get back on.

And I will. Get back on.

Speaking of, the old girl is back in the saddle again. So to speak. No further comment...

Did you fully absorb the cuteness of this child...If not, please oooh and aww again...I love da' babies and I love showin' 'em off to you who do not care...Feel free to hate me when I have mine. I'm gonna be the worst kind of offender.

But seriously, could he be any cuter?

OH! In other wonderful news of the week!!! My good friend, The Belgian, is coming to my conference in October. By the way the Belgian will be hanging with the homies for homecoming...He just smells good...ah yes, gotta love the Jean Paul Gautier (that one was for you P, I see you've been reading).

Anyway, that's about it from Camp Cupcake. More later...

The Man We Never Speak Of

My grandfather was a sailor.

He went to the yacht club and sailed sailboats. I have a silver tray that he won at a Regatta. Proof of a life I would otherwise believe belonged to someone else, except for the shared blood that runs through my veins. My grandfather, would have loved my Flossie forever. Instead, he loved her for as long as he could. He would have taught his children things only a father can. My mother would have been able to call him dad. Instead, he died before his children had the chance to know him, before my mother and her youngest brother knew what they should call him. He was only a few years older than I am now.

We never speak of him.

He was the man who began a family and set us on our course. Him. His family...An ironic thought of some place long ago and far away.

And for that, we reward him with our silence. With the distant, fading memory of who he was. He is everyday rewarded by his family who never speaks of him.

He was an English professor. He wrote a thesis on Wuthering Heights. My mother was four-years old when he died. He was a handsome man. In pictures he has the kind of eyes that make you look back at him, the kind you trust.

He is buried in a flat field in a state filled with mountains. We never go there. I think I've only been there one time.

I don't know much more about who my grandfather was. He loved sailing and English. I don't know if he loved English because he liked to write, or if it was because he liked to read. I don't know why it was English, and not History or Math.

He was a professor, who moved his wife and four children from the safety of their Massachusetts roots to a place far away. He was to be a professor at Columbus Academy. They didn't know anyone in Columbus. I don't believe he ever taught a day at that prestigious school.

I think it was somewhere along the way, before their journey to their new life was complete that he got sick. Short of breath walking up a hill. Went to a doctor. Lung Cancer. Couple months? Maybe it was only a couple of weeks. Whatever it was, it was swift.

I've never even asked if he smoked. He was young. He had sort of wavy hair and he looked like he was a man who thought a lot. I bet when he spoke, people would listen. I recognize him only from a few pictures that remain and the oddly similar and hauntingly familiar features of his face in my cousin Ben.

Like his image in Ben, I wonder if his legacy to me was the gift of writing, or for poetry, or even in a shared love for Heathcliff and Catherine.

After all. He was my grandfather.

Who would he have been? Who would he have been to me? Who would he have been to us...To his daughter...And his wife...And to his sons.

I wonder if he would have taught me about what it was like growing up in New England. Or if we would have spent summers on a sail boat. Or under a tree reading books. What would the professor have taught me...

We are all full of a quiet sadness that has never been addressed.

For him.

He is the man we never speak of. He was a sailor and a teacher. He was a father and a husband. He was a son.

What I realize now, even though I would never know him, is that he was my grandfather. For thirty years I tried to figure that out. The man we do not speak of and who he was to me.

A few years ago, we went to the flat field to pay our silent hommage to this man, our grandfather, father, and husband. It was the first time I learned anything more about him than his affinity for the water or his choice of profession. It was twenty-five years or so before I would hear for the first time about how he and Flossie met. How they fell in love. What life was like in that sleepy New England town. A little about how he lived. Who he was. How he died.

But we never talk about what life is like without him. How we have missed knowing him. How we missed loving him. How I'd never know the sound of his voice or if when he laughed, if he laughed hard. We never talk about all the memories we would never make.

He is the man we never speak of.

He was an English professor. A sailor. He was a father. A husband. A son. A friend. The man we never speak of was also my grandfather.

I can only speculate about the reason that those who knew him, those who heard his voice, those who knew the touch of his hands, and who understood the content of his character do not speak of him. It is as if they are saying a silent prayer for him because to them, he was so much more.

Slated to Be a Happy Day

Slimy was induced this morning at 9:00 a.m...Baby Boy is ultra cozy and officially six days past his scheduled arrival...She sent this picture earlier this week and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it...Being pregnant looks painful. I think I'm just jealous of the ice cream.

The Last Eight Days

(SEDW - this one is for you circa 2006)

All At Once :: The Fray

There are certain people you just keep coming back to...

She is right in front of you

You begin to wonder could you find a better one

Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her

Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find

Where no questions cross your mind

But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt

Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her

Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Maybe you want it maybe you need it

Maybe it's all you're running from

Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing

Sometimes

We'd never know what's wrong without the pain

Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her maybe you need her

Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there

Maybe you want it maybe you need it

Maybe it's all you're running from

Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her maybe you need her

Maybe you had her maybe you lost her to another

To another

Worth It

For Anyone Who Didn't Believe Me

I told you I once was thin. Apparently the thinner I am the bigger my nose is also. God Bless 1994. Those are a size six by the way. SIX! Ok, crying now...

Here's What I Have To Say

Mostly, it's nothing.

I've been staring at this same blank screen for the last six days. So here's what I would say if I could.

I feel like I'm in a vortex right now. I'm standing still and everything is moving around me. Or maybe I'm moving and everything else is standing still. Sometimes too fast, sometimes too slow, but it's fucking me up. I feel absolutely nothing right now. I'm not sad. I'm not happy. I'm just indifferent. Indifferent about everything.

My body is changing. I noticed today when I put on one of my favorite button down shirts this morning. I seem to be swimming in it. As of Friday, I am only down 4 measely pounds, but I can feel a difference in the way my body seems to be shrinking. Thankfully, my new Gold's Gym hobby, strike that, addiction is actually working. I know, right. Novel idea. Bravo, Nat. Bravo.

I am in a constant state of aggitation. I am pissed off perpetually.

This picture makes me smile:




I am a junkie when it comes to death and destruction. A year ago tomorrow, I sat glued to the television for a week-solid because of Hurricane Katrina. Yesterday, I sat glued to the television for 12-hours of vague updates about the plane crash of flight 5191.

I love this song. And I love the movie Elizabethtown. I spent 60-minutes on the treadmill the other day because Elizabethtown was on. I forgot how much I liked that movie. Vee concurs.

This picture of my Flossie makes me hap-hap happy. My mom sent it to me last week from their trip to my favorite city. She said that Flossie made her take this picture of she and "her hero."


That would be FDR for all you non-liberal kind. Incidentally, one of the best presidents in history with the exception of my beloved Thomas Jefferson and the greatest of all time, and noone can convince me otherwise, William Jefferson Clinton.

One day, I will share with you all what happens at my parents house during an election year...

God Bless The Liberals

Thank you, NB-C for this bit of comic relief today...Flossie will love this...

Happy Birthday NB-C!!!

A little something scary for you on your big day...

Did you know that Sweet Child O'Mine, that flippin sweet GNfreakinR anthem of ours was released in 1988? That also happens to be the year that the crop of incoming college Freshman were born. Not to make you feel old or anything...

I hope you have a wonderful birthday and an even better year ahead. No surgeries this year, por favor.

Thanks for being my best friend, big sister, and level ground.

Happy Day!

I love you!

Watch This Show

If you haven't watched Gene Simmons and his slightly normal family - you should. I have laughed so hard on several occasions because they are just a loving, funny family and the dad just happens to be the lead singer of Kiss. This is entertainment at it's finest - trust me. I'm a big fan of TV.

Check it out by clicking here.

900 Ounces of Water Will Do That To You

The return of the fat asses to WW has been a productive one. NB-C and I are down a collective 8.2 pounds. She shedding 5 and I shedding 3.2. Not bad for the first week, not bad at all...

More later.

So It Went Something Like This:

The dog was black and white and he looked like he was smiling right before he thudded into my car. I saw him run out into the road from two blocks away. I looked to the right and I saw a mom walking with her two kids up the street. In a split second I thought, I'm going to kill that little girls dog. And she's going to see it. I knew there wasn't much I could do to avoid hitting him. He ran into four lanes of traffic and on his return, right into the left side of my car going 40 miles an hour. I can still feel and hear the thud. I hit him and then stopped and/or tried to swerve to the right to avoid hitting him again and hit another car. I screamed and looked around to see where he was. I saw cars lined up behind me and no dog anywhere. I saw the mom's jaw drop and saw her quickly turn her children around and away. It was the most horrible thing I think I have ever imagined happening to me and now experienced.

I will never, ever forget those few seconds.

I've had to drive that path to work every day. I am now tense and uneasy and I hate it. My stomach knots up until I pass that spot and then it goes away. I know that I am changed because of it. I know that one of my worst fears in life - hitting a dog in a car - has happened. The not knowing of what happened to him has been the worst of it all.

Yesterday I drove home from work and there was a dog house sitting outside of the house where the dog lived - it had most certainly not been there the two days before. It definitely was not there yesterday morning. A sick panic fell back over me because I was convinced he had died. That his owner put it out there for me as some sort of restitution. That I would no longer be referred to as the dog whisperer but known in certain circles as a dog killer. I was positive the delicate balance between the animal kingdom and I had come crashing down...and that is the GOD's honest truth as to what went through my head just by seeing that empty dog house.

So I did my usual this morning. Drove to work on the same path. Knot in the stomach at the same place. And guess what?



The dog lived.

I saw him this morning in his yard. Sleeping. In front of his dog house.

Thankfully.


Here's the rest of the story:
I sometimes have a hard time putting things into perspective. I really tend to get worked up more than necessary and I usually look back and think what an idiot, I could have handled things so much differently. However, I am not sure that I really could have not gotten upset about this. I mean, it was a dog - and it was in front of kids. For anyone who knows me, you know that those are my two favorite things in the world and the thought of hurting either DESTROYS me. I am a tad, as some might say, overly emotional. I admit. Highly sensitive and over reactive. Part of what makes me who I am - and I would like to think a good quality most of the time.

Sometimes I just need perspective. Or a hug. Or the simple acknowledgement that I'm hurting. Or to be left alone to process it all.

This time I needed all of that.

I know I probably overreacted, but this one knocked me for a big loop. This one got me pretty good.

This one hurt more than just about anything.

But I'm pretty good again - and while I don't think I can talk much more about the actual details than what I'm saying here - I'm ok and I've held My Girl a little tighter each day and loved on her a little more. Next Tuesday the Honda will be back to me and the Taupe Taurus will be lent to another questionable driver.


And all will be back to good.

Cento

I am completely un-original and stole the premise for this post from one of my favorite Blogger's - Kris at I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Wino. I feel like I should have balloon's or streamer's today for my 100th post. But alas, today isn't really such a good day - so we'll just settle for the following:

10 years ago...I was 19 and working in my grandfather’s pharmacy for the summer. It was the summer before my junior year in college. I loved that job and loved working for my family. For the first time in my life I thought – this is a career I could have – to be a pharmacist. But I didn’t change directions in my college classes, I just stayed on the path and reserved my mentality for what I wanted to do post graduation (but didn’t), and that was be a pharmaceutical rep.

5 years ago... I had been married for three months. I was unemployed and vacationing at my aunt & uncle’s farm in Virginia. Five years ago this Thursday (8/17) I was offered a job with my current employer. I was also having a lot of arrhythmia and had to have a battery of tests – most of the tests occurred on 9/11.

1 year ago...I was looking at buying a house. Instead I found my apartment. I had a horrible Miranda moment.

Yesterday...I saw my grandparents, had lunch with my parents and my sister at a favorite Greek restaurant, saw my cousin’s new condo, and drove home from Columbus.

Today...While driving to work I hit a dog. Of all the things I hit a dog. And then I hit another car. In front of a mom and her two kids. I wrecked my car and someone else’s and possibly killed a dog. I have spent a lot of time feeling bad and trying not to cry. I am completely stressed about the conference I plan at work.

Tomorrow...will be a new day.

5 snacks I enjoy...well, given the new WW restrictions…hummus & veggies, Goldfish crackers, guacamole, cheese, and Haribo gummi bears.

5 songs I know all the words to… Sweetest Goodbye by Maroon 5, Breathe Me by Sia, I’m Not Ready to Make Nice by Dixie Chicks, Sailing by Christopher Cross, and Cannonball by Damien Rice.

5 regrets...Not taking my college career more seriously, not moving to DC after college, not making that phone call senior year, not knowing myself better before getting married, not leaving sooner.

5 television shows I watch weekly...Project Runway, Rescue Me (right now), Nip/Tuck, Sopranos, and Survivor (when they are on).

5 things I would do with $100,000,000...pay off my debt and my parents and friends debt, donate a few million to the Pulmonary Hypertension Association, start my own carryout/catering business, invest, travel to fabulous and luxurious locations around the world.

5 locations I would love to run away to...Tuscany, The Greek Isles, Kauai, Bali, Australia/New Zealand.

5 things I hate doing...Yardwork, washing floors, putting away laundry, confronting someone, disappointing anyone.

5 things I like doing...Cooking, traveling, being with my friends, reading and swimming.

5 things I would never wear…white shoes before memorial day, any combination of brown/black together, nude hose with sandals, horizontal stripes, banana clips.

5 recently seen movies I like...The Way We Were, Shopgirl, Talladega Nights, Capote, Crash.

5 famous people I'd like to meet...Thomas Jefferson, Anderson Cooper, Joseph Fiennes, NKOTB, and Tina Turner. This is a hard one because I can’t think of anyone specifically other than my boy TJ.

5 biggest joys of the moment...Not a good day to answer that! I guess I’d have to say – my family, my friends, my girl Abby, my health and my boy DJW.

Hello My Name Is Fat Ass

(You'll never see two people happier to be back to WW in their lives. My head is apparently the size of a basketball. The other picture we took was worse. My double chin looked like it would eat you.)

Oh stop, stop…I know, thanks for saying “no you aren’t.” I appreciate it, really I do. But I am and it’s confirmed. NB-C officially rejoined the public humiliation and cattle call I like to refer to as Weight Watchers.

Again.

I think this is something like, numero quatro for me.

I think I should get a badge for every time I go back. The first time I went to WW, I think like in 2003, I was super gung-ho. I was like the diet nazi. I carried around my 32 ounce water mug and drank like 3 of them everyday. I was exceptionally hydrated. I lost 30 pounds.

So ya, I would go each week and I would actively participate in every meeting. I committed to 8 weeks but I think I made it 18. Let me tell ya, I put the commit! in committed. I’d raise my hand like that annoying kid in your high school math class that always knew the answers. I would affix my five pound star to my first five pound bookmark and proudly display it on my refrigerator so everyone could see my achievements. I loved finding 2-point foods or figuring out inventive ways to make a Skinny Cow just a little more dessert-y. If people would say “let’s go to Wendy’s for lunch” I would announce how many points my meal would have without even thinking. I was an annoying dieter. I think I even started recruiting after awhile.

For any of you who have experienced the dub-dub you know what I’m talkin’ about.

And then I lost my will and my way.

A few months later I think I tried getting back on the wagon. I went back over the next couple of years probably at least a few times, but I never seemed to get that same level of motivation or commitment I had on the first go round. I never attended the meetings. I just counted points, paid $10 a week, got weighed and left. No commitment. No desire to push on through that plateau!

I guess it’s pretty good that I’ve only gained 10 or so pounds back over three years. At least I’m not the total fat ass I was in ’03. I guess it’s just another thing to check off my list. Maybe I’m finally at a place where I need SOME form of commitment again. This time it’ll just be to the WW points and Gold’s Gym. Well hell, I’ve pretty much kicked the smoking thing (again, yes I still smoke mother when I drink it’s better than a half a pack a day, hello) and I was digging the gym a few weeks ago (pre-hormonal rage thing) and well, besides work what else do I have to do?

NB-C and I weighed in at noon and our progress shall be well documented…I would tell you my starting weight but there are somethings a girl should just keep to herself. Yes, I know you are asking yourself if this is an "she's about to turn 30 you know" crisis. Well heck yes it is! There are some things I should be in the new decade and fat is not one of them. So I’m setting a goal of a 20 pound drop prior to the big day. 30 for 30 would be better, but I will keep my expectations to "moderate" for the time being. If I lose 20, I will have to shop for new clothes and gee, I just hate that…

For those, ahem, of you out there who think I lack commitment, that I am all talk and no action. Well you’ve just never seen what this girl can do when she sets her mind to it. Stay tuned.

SO everyone raise your abnormally large and slightly embarrassing water jugs and cheer us on! NB-C and I are on a mission and we’re just the fat asses to do it...

(I mean that lovingly of course)

Number 98

As I near my soon to be 100 post mark, Kate made me think long and hard today - so I have to take some time to reflect on why it is I started this blog way back in January. I can’t believe I’ve actually had that much to say – but I have – and what’s more – is that I still do.

NB-C used to say she was going to start a blog -- and me, usually being tardy into the latest and greatest, had no idea what that meant. She kind of threw around the idea about starting a meme about the adventures of her newly single friend. We giggled and we laughed and discussed how we should make t-shirts about dating me. It simply would be a forum to discuss, analyze, and hopefully provide insight into the new chapter of a suddenly-single friend and her dating adventures.

It all started so innocently.

And so it began, and it was fun and it looked like something I might want to do to, only I didn’t really have any idea what I would talk about or really what it would become. And it was pretty slow going at first. But it became something of a novelty. And then it became an outlet. What I can see now is that this blog has become a part of me…in the simplest terms, in the most convienent definitions (thank you Breakfast Club), my blog is, well…it’s just me.

When it started, I didn’t know I would put my whole self out there. But true to form, I did. For you loyal readers, and those of you I call my friend, you know that my whole self is indeed out there.

So here I am.

Raw. Exposed. Dramatic. Indecisive. Sensitive. Sad. Happy. Confused. Lonely. Full. Content. Discontent. Trusting.

Me.

I’m not sure when the time came when I worried that I had said too much or I worried about whose eyes might come across its path. I guess it was precisely the time when I became in cyberspace the person I am inside my head. It’s not easy to put everything in your head in simple words for all the world to see. It’s not easy to go back and re-read what exactly you have said. It’s even harder to imagine your exposed soul being out there for people to comment on, surmise your real meaning, or move past in-spite-of.

But it’s me.

For as much of the person I am who blurts out before thinking, for that bulging heart that I wear on my sleeve, for as much as my heart strives to be known – my blog reveals what I won’t generally say. Outloud that is. It’s what I long to say, but what I am most afraid to. It’s what only a few people really know about me. It’s who I am.


And here you are.

I put it out there for you to know me better, or understand me better, or answer the questions you don’t know how to ask. I trust that you won’t abuse the knowledge I give you. Occasionally, I sensor what I say because sometimes I am afraid what you will think. Or what you will misunderstand. That’s what I do, that’s what I’m afraid of.

What you think.

I don’t do this for you and yet I’m not sure how it became so much about me. But it’s part of this long strange trip I’ve been on for the last 8 months. It’s about the people, the places, the life, the laughter, and the love that I have experienced and continue to experience each day. It’s about what I hope to find and it’s about what is important to me. It’s about who I am becoming. It’s about what I want. And what I don’t. It’s about people who are a part of me. Either by blood, by friendship, by soul sister-ness, by acquaintance, or by possiblility.

I am just a girl who is slightly fucked up because of an overly imaginative heart and mind. Just a girl who is trying to figure out where she fits in this world. A soon to be 30-year old with a fat ass and a crooked nose. Someone who doesn’t know where she really belongs. Or who cares to belong to her. I read into everything. I analyze every word. I love to cook and to entertain. I wish someone would send me flowers for no reason. I'm a pretty cute chick who loves her friends, family, and dogs more than shopping. I am a horrible drunk and I act like an idiot. I am paralyzed by the possibility of getting hurt. I am a girl who crosses the line, and usually has to pick up the pieces of the mess I make. I can't wait to be a mother. I'm overly sensitive but I will always put it all out there. And yes, I am dramatic.

I am not weird. I am not odd. I am not strange.

I am just me.

And for as much as I care what you think - what I have realized since having my blog is that if you don't "get it" you don't "get me" and that's ok too. Just don't stick around.

If you can't handle this, you can't possibly handle me.

For you, my current “lurkers,” or those of you who remain in my world only as “anonymous” – just remember, I have 8 months of blogging under my belt and technology does have its advantages. I know when you visit and what you read. Just as you are a voyeur into my world, I am now peeking back at you. I hope that you will stay, but I also hope you will say hello now and then.

For my future readers, those wanted and unwanted…Hi, my name is Nat and this is my blog.

Stay or go, but all I ask is that you know who I am when you do.

And By The Way

Yes, I am on the blonde ambition tour. Actually, my hair was close to the current color in high school, it just has spent the last 12 years or so trekking somewhere between auburn & brunette. I decided a few months ago I should see if blondes do really have more fun. Plus I'm trying to grow my classic short hair into a nice medium length and well, what better way to pass the time.

Funny thing is, it wasn't until I returned from my weekend hiatus that I was informed it was that much different than it was prior to my last weeks highlighting appointment. I didn't really think it looked that much different until 85 people commented on how dramatic it apparently is.

Okey dokey if ya'll say so.

Here's a little hair timeline for the old girl. I can't decide what color I should be.


February 05 (auburn)


May 05 (auburn with highlights)


August 05 (brown)



June 06 (bad eyeshadow day - brown with highlights)


August 06 (blonde with some natural brown)

Help a sister out - cast your vote!

I Miss You More Than Yesterday

I had the best time ever this weekend visiting SEDW & my little man. I just transferred pictures from my camera to my computer and I have tears in my eyes...I am just amazed at my little one. He is so smart. He is so happy. He is so good. I am totally in love. I can't imagine what it's like to be a mother but being with DJW makes absolutely certain that I can't wait to be one. I am also amazed by what a wonderful mother SEDW is. I always knew she would be, and that she was, but she is a natural. I so enjoyed seeing her for the first time in the twelve years of our friendship in this role. We had a wonderful time just being together. Laughing and talking even as the hours seemed to stand still yet pass by much too quickly.

I miss you so much already.

Everybody's Workin' For the Weekend

You Are 55% Normal

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

I think I'm back to semi-normal. I mean semi only because I am not sure if I am ever truly normal. Or I guess it would depend on your interpretation of normal. Anyway, you get the point.

So I am kind of going to keep this post to just random cause I'm not really in the mood to blog, but NB-C has requested an update. According to the latest count, I'm only a few posts shy of 100. I guess even I run out of things to say. Anyway, these days Kate's a bloggin' fool so there ain't no way I can keep up with her...

Here's the skinny (of which I am not) on the last 7-days:

• Well the hormones seem to be back on track. That was kind of brutal...and no I'm not exaggerating.
• Finally seem to be out of the deep blue funk as I seemed to be last week. Don't worry kids, the next 30-years will be fabulous.
• Had 2nd annual pink party on Saturday. Note to self: Mr. Penny does not like fabulously loud bright pink boa's. Synopsis: it was hot outside, there was a lot of food, there were fewer people, no real drama, and yet the police came?
• Heading to favorite city on Thursday for some quality time with my boyfriend DJW, his mom & dad, and then to see my family in VA. I cannot freaking wait.
• Included in plans for long weekend are to talk to my favorite uncle about moving to the area. Not sure but definitely thinking about it. Only problem is I haven't updated my resume in five years. And I don't know where the last one is. Back to scratch it is!
• Got to see Julia & Trevor on Saturday. Had rockin good time and will miss Trev when she moves to sunny St. Pete. :(
• My door is deadbolted.
• WARNING: Possible Netflix addiction coming! Watched Crash & Shopgirl yesterday. NB-C, I gotta say, I liked Crash. Shopgirl is a new "Nat" movie. I also watched The Way We Were last weekend. "Your girl is lovely Hubbell"...Ya, that's a whole 'nother blog.

Here is the Nat quote of Shopgirl:

Ray: Just so you know. I'm sorry for the way I treated you.

Mirabelle: I know.

Ray: I did love you.

Mirabelle: All right.

As Ray Porter watched his Mirabelle walk away....he feels a loss. How is it possible, he thinks to miss a woman whom he kept at a distance so that when she was gone he would not miss her. Only then did he realize how wanting part of her and not all of her had hurt them both and how he cannot justify his actions except that...well...it was life.

I think that's all I got. All I know is that I can't wait for a nice long weekend away from here to the place I love almost best of all. I have a few extra bucks in my pocket and maybe a little extra spring in my step and MyOhMy I can't wait to see that little man of mine.

Pay For What You Get

On Saturday, I received a phone call from my friend Slimy's mom that almost sent me into a tailspin thinking that my dear Slimy had gone into early labor. All it took was seeing the 513 area code and a questioning "Nat?" on the other line to be prematurely convinced that either 1) something was wrong or 2) Slimy had had the baby. Of course, neither of my conclusions were on target. Instead, my "other mother" called to ask me to come up to the 'Nati for a surprise 30th birthday party for Slimy which was held last night. I happily said "yes!"

The evening at Nicola's - a great Italian restaurant unfortunately located in the not so great Over the Rhine area of Cincinnati - was superbly crafted by Slimy's mother and the surprise of myself and Slimy's best friend from med school went off without a hitch. Also in attendance were many of her friends who are also doctors.

This is when my inferiority complex took a dramatic turn South.

Kate posted today that she sometime felt she wasn't keeping up with the Gen-X pack and for the first time in a long while I think I felt the same.

While sitting at dinner I was 1 of 16 in attendance. Of the 16, I was 1 of 6 who was not a doctor. Of the six, I was probably 1 of 3 who had the least amount of higher education. To sit amoungst a group of doctors was intimidating to say the least. Not that everyone there wasn't fantastic - because they were - but I felt myself retreating into my shell because I felt as if I simply could not relate. Here I am with my BA in Communications from a school I'm sure no one had ever heard of unless for the faint recolection that the Bengals spend their training season there. Have you ever tried explaining to six brilliant doctors what someone in marketing does? Or how about being the only person there who has gotten divorced and is struggling just to make ends meet. "I have this great apartment, which I just love" doesn't really compare to the "we just bought a house" or "the triplets are just great." I think the precise moment of inferiority was when Slimy's dad stood up and recounted just how much she has accomplished in only thirty years. It wasn't boastful or intended to be anything more than a father proud of his deserving daughter, it was just...well, it was lovely.

But I sat there and thought to myself - here are two, almost lifelong friends, whose paths took two completely different directions. For so long they rode side by side together, until one day when we both left for college - her to BC and me to GC.

And you know what, she really has accomplished so much more in her first thirty years than I have. She's worked very hard her entire life to do so. She can diagnose disease and save the lives of children. She has delivered babies and watched people die. She got the highest honors from Vandy's med school. She was chief resident at a top pediatric program. She married a fabulous man who spoils her rotten. She is thoughtful and kind, dedicated and determined. She's done it all herself - and deserves the credit for who she has become.

I don't know, I guess it made me sit back and think "what have I really done?" What have I done that I can be proud of or that has made a difference in my own or anyone elses life for that matter? I don't think this really where I saw myself at the cusp of thirty. I think when I was younger I felt like I could change the world. I was sort of an activist when I was in high school and I knew I was making a difference. For some reason I always thought I would achieve so much more. That I would go out there into the world and I would do something worth while. That somehow, someway I was destined to become someone great and instead I become someone mediocre at best.

Although content, I realized on my way back home last night that I really have achieved nothing that I had hoped to. Well, maybe that's just it. Maybe I didn't (and still don't) really know what it was I had hoped to achieve. Perhaps that's the plight of us Gen-Xers - there are those of us who are born knowing our path and those of us who spend most of our lives trying to figure out a path that resembles anything like the one we should choose.

There is still something in me that says I am destined to be something great. Something that tells me the mistakes of my twenties can be followed up by remarkable achievements in my thirties and beyond...at least there is still hope.

Hope that maybe my next thirty years will make up for the first.

I'll Tell You My Dirty Little Secrets

Hi Mr. Penny,

I wanted to let you know that my blog address is www.mygirlabby.blogspot.com but as we both know now, you already knew that.

Here's what I wrote a few weeks ago that you recall had been missing. I took it off the morning after I posted it because I was afraid you were reading my blog and it was a little too invasive at the time. Pretty much this is kinda lame in hindsight, especially since you saw the one from last week. Yes, I'm STILL hiding my face BAAAA-bie.

It was called "They Think My Penny's Sexy":

I know. Remember Mr. Penny? He came to NB-C's tonight for a cookout. And he was charming, witty, and full of the same things I typically see on my lonesome. I don't know what it is about him... Maybe it's because he's able to converse and be himself without prompts (you know, like normal people) - I like that about him. (I am not going to comment a whole lot here - if you don't know, just take a guess about my former life). I like that Mr. Penny can hold his own in a crowd - an unfamiliar and possibly intimidating crowd. I like that he's comfortable in his own skin. And I like that he was on time tonight to pick me up. Really, I cannot say enough about that. That is not only sexy, that is spectacular. I appreciate a man who is respects your time, and your friends...It is the epitome of sexy. Been an odd weekend. Don't know what else to say. No complaints. Just good. Just good...

So that's it. I had fun today and I promise never to Dial Under the Influence again. Well not to the point of harassment anyway. Chapters 1-3. I know. Read, review, repeat.

Anywho...So this is my blog and yes, I really am this crazy - which I'm sure you've figured out long ago. What you read here is 100% me.

I guess there aren't many of my secrets out there anymore...

It's The Meds...They Make Me Crazy

Well at least I figured it out. I now have identified the source of my recent discontent. My beloved new anti-child producing medication has made me a psycho. Indeed, I am self diagnosing myself.

The diagnosis is as follows: Hormones significantly out of whack.

Typical symptoms:

• Sprouting horns
• Crying for no reason
• Taking everything out of context
• Overwhelming addiction to carbs and inactivity
• Becoming neurotic
• Strong propensity to be a total beotch

Symptoms should aleviate within one week. For all you friends out there - even the ones who don't admit to reading my blog but who somehow know everything I discuss, mmm hmmm, you know who you are, I'm on to you - I'll return to normal non-self depreciating humor soon.

Until then, I'll be enjoying my new membership to Netflix and eating a lot of carb laden foods. I'm going to crawl in my hole now and fuckoff. For your own safety, I suggest you do the same until I re-emerge.

3 For 1

Yep, I don't have a whole lot to say but the occasional random thought and today has been an exemplarary (sp) day to acheive that...

I have decided the following things annoy me today:

1. People who read your blog but never comment (sorry Julia).
2. Seeing your ex's on myspace.com and what has become of them.
3. People named "big smooth" or "scrappy" who want to be your friend on myspace.com and who obviously only like fat white bitches.
4. Not smoking.
5. Basically being called a fat white bitch.
6. The Devil Wears Prada. Why indeed, she does. Enough said.
7. Speaking too soon.
8. Bad portrayls of Kentucky.
9. Dogs who shit on the floor. For the second time in a few days.
10. People you don't want to have feelings for you who do.
11. Family members who don't have time for you.
12. Being grossly underpaid and horribly under appreciated.
13. Trying to figure out if I should move to Virginia or stay in KY.
14. People who read your blog but don't admit it.
15. Comments made in passing that can change everything.
16. Working late because you have no other choice. Oh and that goes back to #12.
17. Being sick of not having any money.
18. Listening to music that brings back memories.
19. Family members who invade your space.
20. Pretty much everything, just cause.

I am in a terrible mood and I admit it. But just cause. That's the only reason I can give as to why. Just cause.

This is one of the days I am not at my finest. This is one of the days, and probably one of those weeks when I should just forget about changing humanity. Or making anything go in my favor. Not gonna happen. Not to this girl. Not this week.

Everyone has their routine or path that gets off base now and then. But it's amazing how someone else can impact the diversion. I'm the one this week. Spoke to soon. Optimism not in my favor. Glass half empty. Should be better at listening to my own intuition. Period was last week, perhaps hormones are delayed. But no one likes ...

thenegativeNat. Maybe I should just getovermyselfandtellmyselftofuckoff.

Yes, fuckoffjustcause I can. Just cause.

It works.

It is me you know. I can say that without getting pissed.

Who Dey ... Who Dey ... Who Dey Think My Flossie Is

This is the best thing I've seen all day. My sister sent these AWESOME pictures of my Nana - aka "Flossie" - traveling from Virginia last week:

The consumate traveler

The Flossarific in what I will call "Self Portrait"

Mama Needs A Cocktail

That's all I can say...

So There's This Guy...

"After awhile you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh." - Mr. Big

Have you noticed (aside from the fun quizes this week thanks to myspace.com - more on that later) that I've been trying to tell you what is going on in my life without really telling you what is going on in my life? Well, strange things are a front at the Circle K. I'm a little hesitant to talk about this because, see, I'm sort of superstitious about what will happen if I jump the gun and speak before I know just how real it is. I am afraid if I say anything here then something bad will happen.

It's sort of like when I was fifteen and I met this guy, Shawn, at the Franklin County fair. Slimy and I used to always meet boys in weird places. Anyway, Slimy and I spent the next seven days as a foursome. Paired up together like animals in the ark. Kevin & Slimy. Nat & Shawn. We spent the next seven days together, each night a new adventure. He was sort of becoming my boyfriend. And we all knew it. And then I had to go on vacation. I dreaded the vacation because I knew, somehow, that it would all be over. That he would forget about the last seven days and he would forget my name.

And he did.

Ever since then I have sort of become paralyzed with doubt and fear if you want to call it that when it comes to a budding relationship. It's sort of like counting your chickens before they hatch. It's the same thing that happened with Mr. Potential. I went away for Christmas and we never went back. So now, I am afraid to speak before I know that it's okay to do so.

This has been my year of learning about me.
This has been my year of letting go.
In more areas than just those that deal with the heart.

What I have learned about myself since December, is that I fall hard and I fall fast. I am usually drawn to toxic men. Men who are unavailable. Men who don't really get me. Men who have some restriction on giving themself fully to me. I think I do it on purpose to spare myself the eventual heartache. But it sure makes for a lot of drama along the way. Anyway...

I met someone in January I had no expectations of initially. The recent burn of Mr. Potential was still hot. Turned out I made a friend who made me laugh. I ended up falling for that friend who was completely honest with me from the first week about not wanting a relationship. For awhile I wasn't sure how I felt about him and then almost over night I realized I liked him. I asked him to define his feelings for me. I realized he was probably not sure if he knew how he felt. And then I thought I could hang on and things might change - maybe he'd feel something for me if I held on long enough, if I told him how I felt. I never waivered from that honesty. He never waivered from his own. I bowed out gracefully.

He didn't let me go.

He remained my friend. In doing so, I learned that I wanted him in my life - that I could be okay with that because I enjoyed his friendship enough to allow him to stay. We made it a couple days without talking. We made it a couple weeks without seeing each other. He asked me to lunch. Next day to happy hour. And I freaked out. I got my hopes up. I thought this was it - he'd turned the corner. Guess what? It wasn't. And then I crashed emotionally.

I knew I had to let it go - not just say I was going to, but really do it. I had to let it go. And so, for the very first time in my life, I did. I became content to see what may, but mostly what may not come. I happily accepted his friendship and the understanding that nothing else was attached. I was completely fine with that. I put him out of my head and enjoyed M-F/9-5. As his friend and only his friend I started being completely honest with him about things I had closed off from disclosing in the beginning. I recognized that this was a person who did everything on his own pace. I valued that. I stopped pushing. I let him ask me questions instead of me monopolizing the terms. I'm not sure exactly when it was, but I got back in the game somewhere between the time when I let it go and I realized that he's worth playing the game for. I realized that he has taught me something about myself that I never knew I was capable of...

Being content.

You know, I'm not sure where things stand and I'm not trying to predict the outcome. I am not scared to let this evolve. I just know that I'm happy, here and now. I'm learning more about myself than I ever expected to, I am thankful I met someone who is my friend first and foremost, who thinks I'm sexy and who, more than I realized, understands me.

And wouldn't you know it...I'm laughing.

100 Things About Me

1. Name: Natalie
2. Middle Name: Anne
3. State:Kentucky
4. Place of Birth: Nashville, TN
6. Male or Female: Female
7. Bus/Car: Car
8. School:Georgetown College
9. Occupation: Grossly underpaid customer relationship guru
10. Initials: NAS
11. Screen Name: not tellin

YOUR APPEARANCE
12. Hair Color: brown
13. Hair Length: short
14. Eye color: blue
15. Best Feature: eyes
16. Height:5'9"
17. Braces: not since 7th grade
19. Shoe size: 10
20. Diploma: Yep

YOUR FIRSTS
22. First best friend: Kara H.
23. First Award: Some honor thing in Upper Arlington in 4th grade b/c I turned in $10 I found on the sidewalk to the police
24. First Sport You Joined: Volleyball
25. First thing you did today: Took my girl outside
26. First Real vacation: I'm sure it was to New England
27. First thing you said today: "My freakin hair is a mess"
28. First Love: I'm going to go with Andrew S.

FAVORITES
29. Movie: Shakespeare in Love, The Godfather, Breakfast Club...etc., etc., etc.
30. TV Show: Sex In The City, Project Runway, Sopranos, Rescue Me, Nip/Tuck
31. Color(s): Midnight Blue
32. Rapper: Will Smith - come on - that song Summertime is a classic
33. Place to get groceries: Well ideally Whole Foods, but mostly Kroger
34. Food: Italian everything
35. Season: Fall/spring
36. Candy? Haribo gummi bears
37. Sport: Football (college that is) OSU preferrably
38. Restaurant: Carabba's
41. School Subject: American History
42. Animal: My girl Abby
43. Book: The Notebook

CURRENTLY
45. Doing before you started this survey: talking to Eric on IM...
46. Feeling: Content. Still.
47. Wearing: bad olive green capris and a black shirt.
48. Crying about: Not much at this time.
49. Eating: Getting ready to go to Ramsey's for dinner...
50. Drinking: Diet Coke
51. Typing: just this
53. Listening To: Poison's greatest hits
54. Thinking about: Needing to go to the gym instead of Ramsey's
55. Wanting: enough money to pay my credit cards off
56. Watching: Nothing but Rescue Me is on tonight

FUTURE
57. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?: Debt free and still content
58. Kids: I hope so
59. Want to be Married: Someday when the time is right again
60. Career in Mind: Yep and grossly underpaid.

WHICH IS BETTER IN THE OPPOSITE SEX
63. Hair color: brown or bald
64. Hair length: short or bald
65. Eye color: green/hazel/blue
66. Measurements: Don't care
67. Cute or sexy: Must have weird characteristic like big ears, nose, or eyebrows?? ;)
68. Lips or Eyes: BOTH
69. Hugs or Kisses: Kisses
70. Short or Tall: Short or tall, I likes 'em all.
71. Easygoing or serious: Easygoing
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: Both
73. Good or Bad: Good
74. Sensitive or spontaneous: Does that really make sense?
75. Hook-up or Relationship: Depends on my mood.
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: These days I prefer those most hesitant.

HAVE YOU EVER
78. Kissed a Stranger: Yep
79. Had surgery: Yes... if wisdom teeth count
80. Gone commando: Mmm hmm..
81. Ran Away From Home: Only if moving to KY counts.
82. Broken a bone: Technically I fractured my wrist when I was three.
83. Got an X-ray: Yes
84. Been on a cruise: Oddly, no.
86. Dumped someone: Does divorcing count?
87. Cried When Someone Died: Absolutely.
88. Cried At School: Yes. And Work.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN
89. God: Yes
90. Miracles: Heck yes I do.
91. Love at First Sight: Yes.
92. Ghosts: Um, yes.
93. Aliens: Well, I just choose to think we're not alone.
94. Soul Mates: Absofreakinlutely.
95. Heaven: Yes.
96. Hell: Yes.
97. Answered prayers: I live on them everyday.
98. Kissing on The First Date: Sometimes. But never with men who call you luscious.
99. Horoscopes: Not really. But fun to read.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
100. Is there someone you wish you had? Well, besides Joseph Fiennes or David Beckham...not really, because I have all I need right now.

If I Were A...

if i were a month i would be: October

if i were a day of the week i would be: Friday

if i were a time of day i would be: 1:00 pm

if i were a planet i would be: Venus

if i were a sea animal i would be: a Dolphin

if i were a direction i would be: East

if i were a piece of furniture i would be: a Bed

if i were a 7 deadly sin i would be: Gluttony

if i were a historical figure i would be: Thomas Jefferson

if i were a liquid i would be: Red Wine

if i were a tree i would be: a Cherry Blossom

if i were a flower/plant i would be: an Iris

if i were a kind of weather i would be: A sunny-72 degrees

if i were a musical instrument i would be: A piano

if i were an animal i would be: a Dog

if i were a color i would be: Midnight Blue

if i were a vegetable i would be: a Potato

if i were a sound i would be: Laughter

if i were an element i would be: Fire

if i were a car i would be: a Honda

if i were a movie i would be directed by: Ang Lee

if i were a book i would be written by: Jennifer Weiner

if i were a food i would be: Macaroni & Cheese

if i were a place i would be: Kauai, Hawaii

if i were a material i would be: Silk

if i were a taste i would be: Spicy

if were a scent i would be: Clean laundry

if i were a word i would be: Love

if i were an object i would be: a Blanket

if i were a body part i would be: Eyes

Playing the Field

So last night as I lay in bed, trying to find anything to watch in lieu of the summer programming hiatus, and of course came about my TBS standby - Sex in the City. I know. Big surprise. What can I say. I'm obsessed and I have no life.

I digress.

Carrie's article and meme of the show this week was something that is actually quite relevant to me right now - and well, has been relevant for quite sometime. The subject of the episode was:

Do you have to play games to make a relationship work?

Well, I would say heck yes you do...

See, I'm sort of an expert in the area of playing games these days. Infact, I've become quite good at playing the game. Don't get me wrong. I hate it and I hate me for it. But I'm playing. Right now at this very moment.

Sometimes I wonder if the games are really any different outside of the single girl world - you know that mostly really scary place called commitment or marriage? Don't you really still play games when you are with someone in a steady relationship as much as you do when you are out there waiting for Mr. Right? You still try to manipulate situations in your favor. You still do something so he'll do something you want him to. I know. I've been there. Done that.

Maybe it's all a game we've just got to learn how to play.

It's like there is an imaginary field with lines that can and cannot be crossed. In the game the outcome is the same as in any other. There are winners and there are losers. We are just constantly trying to get to the end so that we can go off and celebrate, or sulk away in defeat. Sometimes the player gets closer to the win by going the extra distance. Sometimes the perception is that the distance travelled is much too far and must be called back. For overstepping the boundary you get a time out. Sometimes you get to get back into the game when enough time has passed. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much time has passed, you still aren't allowed back in. Sometimes you have to break the rules of the game to continue play. And sometimes you have to take it slow so that the game is not played too fast. Ocassionally, other players step in and change the game up so not to make it boring. Sometimes everyone wants to be the coach.

And then, sometimes, you have to play the game the only way you know how...with your head held high and with a smile on your face. Confident that no matter what the outcome, you played with all you had, you never looked back and you have no regrets.

That's the game I came to play.

You Are Most Like Carrie!

You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date. But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated.

Which Sex and the City Vixen Are You?

I Know This Much Is True

I am content.

Content for the first time in a long time just to let things be as they are. Maybe I've finally embraced the world around me. Maybe it's the sunshine. Maybe it's realizing that when it comes down to it - no matter how much drama, no matter how little money I have, no matter how many mistakes I've made (or continue to make), no matter how many times I mess up, no matter how few or how many men love me...I am still okay.

I've learned so much in the last year I can't even begin to start. That saying that life is a journey, not a destination resonates profoundly in me. Where I've been, where I'm going and who I'm becoming has never been more apparent than at this very moment in my life. Sometimes it's weird how truly conscious you can be of the things in your life you have control over. You can make the decision to stop smoking after 15-years (or at least when alcohol isn't involved). You can make the decision to just go to the gym or walk around the neighborhood just to not sit in front of the television. You can choose to be happy. You can choose to take things for face value instead of spending time wondering what is implied. You can be happy with what you have. You can be happy with what you don't have.

I don't remember the last time I felt this peace. I don't know if it will last long or if it will be gone tomorrow. I am just thankful that I feel it today.

con·tent

Pronunciation :: kun-'tent

Noun ::
1. content - the sum or range of what has been perceived, discovered, or learned.

Verb ::
1. content - make content; make happy or satisfied; "I am contented"

Adjective ::
1. content - satisfied or showing satisfaction with things as they are; "a contented smile"

Taking Bets

Kate - this one is for you...I know you will appreciate this...seeing as you recently have experienced this and all...

I've got $46.55 in my checking account until midnight on Thursday.

If you do the math, that averages $11.62 per day. See, it wouldn't have been this dire had I not spent $21.00 at lunch with a friend (my turn to buy) on Friday. It would have been even less of a problem had I not spent $50.00 at BW3's on Carribean Jerk chicken buffalitos, potato wedges and a plethera of beer that evening. Well, sometimes ya gotta splurge. I hadn't been out since vacation and all.

And I was in a stellar mood. With happy beer drinking mode came the new t-shirt I picked up in Vegas...

A girl's gotta be up front with the priorities...

Anywho, I am thinking that besides dog food (-$6.00), I won't really have to go to the grocery store this week. So that should allow me to tan (-$2.00 x 2), lunch at no more than $7.00/day (-$28.00). That should leave me with $8.55. Now, I've got a half a tank of gas and no real plans to go anywhere other than to work, the gym, and dog park. I could move the $5.00 I have in savings over to checking if I need to get gas. Or, I could theoretically skip lunch on Thursday and get some gas. Or, I could wait until after three on Thursday (NB-C told me this neat little trick that you are safe from the bank if you wait till after three o'clock) cause at midnight I'll have the fundage.

I think I've got it all figured out. I hope I don't hit any snafus this week. That will throw me into a tailspin and I'm not sure if I can cope.

PS: Big hairy brown bug with one billion legs has invaded the Hobbit House. Saw him this morning and by the time I had a minor freak out, went to find somethings to kill it, and returned, there was no sign of this horrible horrible creature. God, how I hate bugs. I have resigned myself to know that somewhere inside my apartment is a pre-historic alien waiting to eat me for dinner.

I swear, the only reason I will ever need a man again is 1) car repairs 2) killing bugs and 3)..... Well, I better just let you insert whatever you would like to imagine.

Don't You Wish Your Girlfriends Were Hot Like Mine

These are the best friends any girl could ask for...I am so lucky.

SEDW, Vee, Julia & NB-C

I am procrastinating today, more than usual. Ever since my whilwind vacation/Vegas trip I haven't been able to fall asleep very well and thus, haven't been able to get my arse out of bed in the mornings. I was doing so well before. I was getting to work before 9:00 a.m. and I was feeling pretty good about it. Not so much this week. Snooze is my friend this week. Maybe I'm just more out of whack than usual...

Anywho, that damned old myspace.com is going to suck me in. Mostly I have a real problem with it. Mostly I like to argue the cause for today's pre-teens and teens who use this to find everything like drugs, sex, or dirty old men who will surely rape and pillage them. Shit just ain't the same as it was back in my day. I remember when you had to write notes or letters to people. And if the telephone was busy, well, you just kept calling until it wasn't anymore. Nope, now you can put your ass out there for all the world to see. Baffling. However, somehow I have a myspace account and I'm not sure how I got one. I got lured into it's evilness this morning after recieving a request to be my friend. This is all very strange. The girl who had requested to be my friend I hadn't seen or talked to since, oh, about 1991 I'd say. So I start looking around and low and behold find a few people from High School. One of my first crushes, I think I can remove the question now if he was gay, cause, after the video post on his myspace page of Colin Farrell eluding to performing oral sex on a male, I am pretty sure he is.

I also happened to find the first love.

Ah yes, the one who made it big. The one that got away. The one who moved to my beloved New England. The one who stole my heart and never allowed me to give it to anyone else. Looks like his girlfriend is a cute, pixieish little JAP brunette who I'm sure is keeping him company as he travels to Asia and designs shoes for a well known athletic shoe company. Awesome. The funny thing is, he looks pretty much the same. And I don't know, maybe he doesn't really look that great anymore.

Then again, maybe I just look better.

Ha ha. Sucker.

Have You Heard

About the Snakes on the Mutha-effin Plane?

Vee has.

And she can't wait to see this much anticipated film about what else? Snakes on a plane.

This is Buzz and his 65-year old hooker clothes wearing girlfriend. Buzz likes to sing karaoke versions of "Cotton Eyed Joe." He is our new friend from vacay. This is what Buzz wears when he get's into his groove:

Captain Curt's is the mecca of Siesta Key karaoke entertainment. We made lots of friends. Well, we made fun of some of them and they probably hated us, but you know how that goes...

It's so unlike us to gossip. About anything or anyone.

Really.

A Couple Observations for a Monday

Sometimes, ignorance really is bliss.

A friend of mine once told me that was his philosophy (I.I.B). And at the time, I didn't really understand how true that really is, but a recent string of events has thrust me into a place that I wasn't prepared to be in.

ORIGINAL NOTE REMOVED BY AUTHOR

It can really only be categorized by me as "shock and awe" (one good phrase to come from our the lovely El Presidente of ours...) NB-C pointed out on Friday that I am a very naive person and she is right - I can't ever seem to wise up. So now I'm potentially in a very bad situation that I have probably festered just, well, just by being me. Clueless, unassuming, and unaware.

Always full of drama.

God, how I hate the drama. I am like the poster child for the "can't lead a drama free life - here's how to make it worse!" campaign. It always seems to find me or I always seem to find it.

For right now, that is all I will say about this particular subject. And to those of you who know the situation at hand, please refrain from commenting directly about it. You can certainly comment about my naivite, but not about the person/persons or other related events...

So the other observation I have from this weekend goes along with my ever constant struggle to define that place I still refer to as "home." If you haven't already, I'd suggest you read this in order to understand.

I attended a baby shower for my oldest and dearest friend, Slimy, on Saturday. She and I have known one another since the 6th grade, and have been like sisters ever since the 8th grade when we discovered our mutual love for NKOTB, food and shopping. I hadn't seen her in almost 2 years - since her fairytale wedding - despite being only 70-miles from one another. And yet, all the time apart never has changed the kinship between us. I realized something for the first time.

She feels like home to me.

Perhaps home isn't the actual place but the people who love us along the way. At any rate, it made me once again long for that imaginary place and the friends of long ago and far away...something nostalgic and yet real enough you can almost touch, as if stored safely in a place where no time or distance seems to have passed.

Thankfully.

It's Alive! It's Alive!!!

So I was thinking about what to blog about on this, my first day back to LexVegas in almost 10 days. And I thought about blogging about our fantastic trip to Siesta Key, but I thought NB-C said it pretty well and so I thought I'd give a synopsis on my trip to Vegas this past week.

Now I'll remind you that my trip was for work, not for pleasure, and so that should sum up my lack of anything real substantial on the good story front (aka there is nothing that need stay in Vegas) but there were some things I thought I should note:

• Running down 3 terminals in the glorious Atlanta-Hartsfield airport with a 20 pound carry-on strapped to your shoulder SUCKS. Running up two escalators and one international terminal where your gate is the VERY last one is even worse.
• Arriving in Las (not Lex) Vegas at what amounts to 1:00 a.m. Eastern time only to find that your 60lb suitcase has not arrived with you BLOWS.
• Wading and Waiting through a mile long taxi cab line is enough to make this girl who has only had a few drunken cigarettes want to begin to smoke again...
• Alas, arrive at beautiful Mandalay Bay hotel two hours after landing in Las Vegas and go to hotel room that 1) is handicap 2) has an adjoining door. Of course! (This is pretty much the defacto for me when staying in any hotel).
• Participate in tradeshow during odd hours : 8-10 p.m., 8-9 a.m., 12-2 p.m., 5-6:30 p.m., repeat.
• Eat alone in restaurant. Twice. (Not bad, next I must try the movies)
• Observation: alongside our conference was a conference for eBay-ers. This conference would have been the perfect thing to attend had NB-C and I ever started that little business of ours. I digress...eBay-ers are weird. They wear funny hats and their badges have ribbons that touch the floor. They quit their jobs and find bubble wrap out of the trash. No lie, I heard someone say that.
• Why do people bring children to Vegas? I stood outside the tram station at MB and literally was subjected to a gnarly-9 year old at the top of her lungs going "AND THEN we we went to see the sharks! AND THEN we went to...AND THEN...AND THEN!!!" It was the most infurating thing I've ever heard.
• I averaged only 2 cocktails a day. Except my last night where I had 3.
• I spent only $3 on slot machines and won, here's a surprise, no money.
• Finally made it to the pool, glorious pool, on Wednesday. Had fruity drink that cost $12.00. Times two.

• This is the type of person serving fruity drinks by glorious pool. This is also why we wear one pieces.
  

• Took a stroll down Las Vegas boulevard (from MGM to Ceasar's - that's a long F'in way) and didn't take one picture on my real camera but managed to capture this image outside of Paris for NB-C as a reminder of her wedding...

• After walking a bizillion miles between my room and the Mandalay Bay convention center for three days and then up and down the strip, retired exhaustedly to my room where I was reminded of how fat and out of shape I really am.
• While I am sort of enjoying solidarity in my roadtrips I have concluded that Las Vegas is not a place to go when you are traveling alone...

And so friends, I'm back if only temporarily. Heading back up the I-71 highway to the big Columbus this weekend yet AGAIN (um, we're up to like 4 trips in 6 weeks or something un-natural like that) to get My Girl. She's been vacationing with her grandparents while I've been away and barking a lot, so much so the neighbors complained about her and her friends Nicki & Kayle. Good times, she's going to hate coming back to the Hobbit House.

Anywhoooooooo...that's all I got.

Wasted Away Again...

There are times in your life when the only thing you are quite sure about is that you need a vacation. Well, this happens to be one of them...and well, thank God that I happen to be leaving in less than 8-hours for mine.

JULIA, NB-C, Vee, SEDW & I are off for a few days of fun in the sun...don't worry, I'll drink one for ya.

(and yep, I'm still officially the quitter of the best kind...no smoking for me...now one week plus two days)

Jimmy Buffet, make room for me in Margaritaville.